That was never the issue.
It wasn’t a need. It was awant.
As we walk, our surroundings filter between rundown council estates to half-empty high streets. Families pass us on the way home from the school run, carrying bicycle helmets and glittery book bags.
The scene makes my heart ache with loss. I never had that. A chauffeur handled the school runs throughout my childhood while the housekeeper my uncle employed performed the role of caregiver.
I didn’t have the normal, workaday familiarity of a warm family home. I’m sure some kids would trade their lives for the luxury and privilege I had, but to me, it was nothing but hollow grief. A reminder of all I’d lost.
All my life, I wanted a family.
I wanted to be loved.
All I got instead was sickness and disgust.
“We’ll make them pay, Rip.” Xander keeps his voice down. “All of them.”
“How?” I laugh quietly. “We’re penniless and on the run. Up against wealth and corruption the world barely believes. Not even the authorities can see the truth.”
“Then we make them see.”
“We both know it isn’t that simple.”
The destruction we left behind wasn’t the smoking gun Harrowdean’s patients hoped it would be. It won’t be that easy to dismantle the lies pushed by money and privilege.
“Comfort break?” Raine taps his stick in an arc. “We’ve been walking for ages.”
“It’s been two hours.” Xander scoffs. “Suck it up. Daylight’s fading.”
“Not a problem for me. You seeing folk may struggle, though.”
I resist the urge to smack him upside the head. “Do you want us to get lost?”
“Isn’t the human satnav leading the way?” Raine retorts.
Xander flips him the bird over his shoulder. “I have a name.”
It takes me by surprise. I never thought I’d see the day he loosens up enough to laugh and joke with us. Raine chuckles when Lennox translates the gesture to him.
“Up yours too, Xan. Ripley’s leg is still healing, you know.”
“I’m fine,” I splutter.
“No thanks to the stitch you caused her to tear,” Xander adds acerbically. “I didn’t think you had it in you, Raine. It must’ve been some spectacular sex.”
Fucking kill me.
“Hey!” Raine cuts over him, visibly incensed. “I’ve said I’m all for this weird dynamic we have going on, but don’t insult my ego, man.”
“Not sure your ego was his target,” Lennox claps back.
“I was aiming for his sexual prowess.” Xander’s tone is matter-of-fact. “I’ve always assumed you were a vanilla pushover, not a closeted freak in the sheets.”
Bursting into laughter, I can hardly walk straight. Lennox yelps at the hard smack delivered to his arm. His blow delivered, Raine lowers his guide stick back to the ground, lips smashing in a grimace.
“What the hell did I do?” Lennox whines.
“You encourage him! Did I get your head?”