Page 34 of Alamort

“Who are you?” She asks.

“That would take away all the fun, Little Monster.” Sucking my teeth at how eager she is to end this. After our last job, I find Priya takes the edge off the bloodlust a bit.

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

“Because I see what lurks beneath all the sadness.” I tilt my head to study her. The shadow of her true self. The dark and twisted wants and revenge that simmer under the surface. My monster likes to ask questions she won’t like the answer to.

“You’re ugly inside. Just like me. The loneliness you hide behind self-isolation in fear of rejection. Your hidden abuse comes out when a sudden movement comes from the corner of your eyes. Anger you use to deflect from your sadness. I see it all. You can hide from the rest of the world, but you can’t hide from me, love.” A lone tear leaks from her eye. I bend down and lick it, savoring the taste of her sadness.

“Save your tears for me.” She’ll need a reason. “Every time I find out, you’re crying. I’ll carve a letter of my name into you.” Patting myself on the back, that sounds comforting. A win-win for both of us. If she cries, eventually she’ll have a permanent mark of me. One she could never rid herself of, no matter how many times she washes herself. By not crying, she’ll save her tears for me. Before anyone knows, she’ll already be mine. It’ll be too late to take her away.

A monster needs an owner.

She sniffles, attempting to hide her tears.

“How did you get in?” She whispers.

“River isn’t the only one who has ways to get in. But I’m here with a warning for you.” She waits.

“It’s going to get harder before it gets easier. Don’t yield to the oncoming obstacles. You’remineto break Priya Carter. Forgetting that would be a grave mistake on your part. I’m not the forgiving type.” Bending down, I place a kiss at the center of her chest, where the moonlight reveals the slightly raised red mark of my knife on her pale skin. While simultaneously sliding my hand underneath the pillow where her head lies and grab her razor.

“One last thing. Who left you the black envelope?” I whisper into her ear.

My nearness throws her off. “I-I don’t know. I thought it was you.” Interesting. Not admitting or denying it, I place the razor blade into her hands so she can cut herself out, leaving me plenty of time to get back home.

No Roots - Alice Merton

priya

Our word for the day is, agathokakological (adj.) – something that possesses both good and evil.

I think I met someone who embodies this word. You probably wouldn’t approve because you never thought anyone was deserving of my time. Or maybe I’m delusional from the lack of sleep and I’m hanging on by a thread and making excuses, so I don’t have a mental breakdown.

Is it too late to runaway?

I’m joking… kinda. This place is locked down like Fort Knox.

Iloveyou.

Fog covers the school grounds as if someone left their Halloween machine out. The chill of the air seeps into mybones. Arms of the woods peek out against the mist, looking for unsuspecting souls to grab and pull in. Last night left me feeling and looking like a zombie. Autopilot has me going through the motions. River is her chirpy self. Not even the strong coffee she made me this morning has put a dent in my brain’s fuzziness.

I love her, but I can’t keep up today. She reminds me of a toddler, talking a mile a minute.

I wonder what Mother Dearest would say about me today. I barely managed my curly hair into a low, slicked back bun with money pieces out. River said I looked cute, but I’m second guessing. I should go back to the dorms.

My mind wanders to the cause of my tiredness. Irritation duels with my exhaustion. What type of psychopath breaks into someone’s room, ties them up “just to talk”? I sleep at night knowing my room was a community area for breaking and entering. No matter where I’m at, I can’t seem to get privacy. But there is a difference. No one that has been in my dorm room has laid a hand on me in anger.

A pang of sadness hits me when I think that…he might be lonely, too. He mentioned knowing about how it feels last night as he laid out my truth, exposing me.

That’s still not a normal way to make friends. River breaks into my room but doesn’t touch me.

His questions made me more uncomfortable than when he pulled me into the woods. I don’t like when people notice things about me. Significant details and then throw them in my face, showing me my imperfections. Could he be the eyes I’ve felt watching me?

He’ll be back. He only asked a couple of questions. There has to be a way this could benefit me. He was kind enough to warn me about something. No idea what he was talking about, but it’s the thought that counts.

River bounces in front of me, pulling open the cafeteria door to guide me to our table. What time did I wake up? 1:30 or 2AM. Next time he decides to have a heart to heart, it better be on a weekend when I don’t have to wake up early. River places an order on the tablet and hands it to me. Staring blankly at the screen, I don’t know what I want.

“Maybe try some French toast this morning? A sugar rush will help for a little.” I bite back a retort. If I ever see my parents and my mother thinks I put on weight. I shudder at her wrath. She would make me throw it up or run off the weight until I pass out. Settling for ignoring her suggestion, I go for an assortment of fresh fruit. It has natural sugars in it, that should help. I hope.

---