Page 66 of Alamort

“Regardless of whatever is going on here,” he gestures to the house. Meaning between all four of us. “We can’t allow any of these money hungry assholes to know there is a weakness. We keep a united front. So, with that being said.” He claps his hands with excited energy. “The Halloween party.”

He waits for a response and falls short, his face falls betraying the act he was putting on. We can see he’s trying to be happy-go-lucky when we’re clearly anything but. He purses his lips while leaning back onto the kitchen island in front of me.

“Okay, well, I’ve come up with the theme and have already made some calls, so everything is in order. I’m thinking about circus/carnival/Blacklight. What do you think?” He’d use any excuse to throw a party. Holidays, birthdays, even professional sport wins.

I smile, but it’s strained. They’ll both see through it. “Sounds good.” What’s the point in doing the fun banter we usually do? Ben gives me an eye roll, the leather of jacket his jacket creaks when he crosses his arms.

“Really, Saint? No snide comment?” He lets out a heavy sigh, then looks at Crew for input, but he still refuses to engage with us. Admitting it doesn’t make me feel like running away would be a lie. For the first time in a while, I find myself doubting that everything will be all right as long as we stick together. What a time for us to be pulling away. The only monster that’s worse than Mal is my father.

No.

The word monster is too gentle of a term to use for him. He would be the devil in the flesh, risen from the depths of hell, hoping to bring it here on earth. The sting in my eyes forces me to divert my gaze from the family I chose. I’m so alone.

“Is that all?” Crew asks Bennett, before storming off down into the basement. Probably to blow off steam, or his anger with me. I have that to be thankful for. He’s never once put his hands on me in a rage. I glance at Bennett to see him already staring at me. He shakes his head, dropping his eyes to the floor.

“Fix it.”

My ears take a minute to adjust to the lack of sarcasm he usually aims at me. It’s well known between the three of us hedoesn’t like me, he ignores me and at best, tolerates me. Crew thinks he’s jealous of our relationship. Specifically, that I took Crew away from him. To hear him say he wants me to fix things with his twin is a conundrum. Playing with my piercings, I find myself questioning his true intentions and reflecting on his expertise in manipulation. My head turns to observe him, taking in his upright posture, piercing black eyes. It’s only 7am, yet he’s already dressed as if he has somewhere important to be. Maybe this is affecting him more than I think.

“I can see those little wheels turning in your head. He’smybrother. If he hurts, I hurt. The way he’s showing that is his anger. Well, that’s all he’s good at showing. But you?” He lets out a low whistle. “You did a number on him. You were one of the first people he let in, besides me, of course, and whether or not you think so, you betrayed him. Malice did.” He grabs Crew’s car keys off the counter and makes his way to the side door. “Better you than me, though.” And there it is, the asshole sarcastic comment I was waiting for.

The door slams shut behind him. One thing that would make Crew happy is cleaning the house to his standards. I’ll start there and hopefully find the balls to talk to him before this gets any worse.

The weekend flew by in a blur, mainly sleeping and listening to River’s laptop play low in the background. I’ve woken up to breakfast outside of my room every morning since the nurse came. I’m not going to test the Demons when it comes to life’s necessities. At least, not yet. Anyone who thinks it isn’t possible to survive off of only one meal a day with a sprinkle of snacks here and there would be wrong. I’m not saying it’s healthy, but that’s the one thing that has followed me from home. People watching what I’m eating. Soon enough, it won’t be a problem.

I’m still not 100% from my run in with Bennett. My throat is a little tender to the touch, but I’m more than capable of going through with school. My psych grade isn’t the best since Crew ruined it. Just because my parents don’t speak to me doesn’t mean they’re not watching and waiting for me to fuck up. If my parents catch wind of it… I don’t want to imagine the consequences. I’ve never thought to test the boundaries on how far they would go. Especially when I already try my hardest to get their approval.

All my schoolwork that I’ve missed during my absence is sprawled all over my bed. Starting one assignment only to move to the next and back again. My door shuts with the distinctclumping of combat boots to dull the chatter in my head. The coffee machine turns on while River makes herself at home in the new chair angled towards the bed in the far corner by the window.

The Shadow Man’s chair. I press my lips together to prevent myself from asking her to pick a different spot. One of the few things I will miss after my birthday is him. He’s been the only person who’s never judged me, even at my lowest. I have no doubt that he’ll be fine without my presence. I’ve never had someone be so horribly sweet to me. The difference between him and the other villains in my life, he soothes the hurt he causes. I never realized how much I’ve needed that. In such a short time, I came to rely on him to help me see through the fog that constantly follows me around.

He offered me an out the other night. I would never take it, but that’s more than my father ever gave me.

And River. I’ve stopped trying to complete my homework a while ago, there’s no use for it. My eyes slide to her as she stares out the window, sipping from a white mug she’s declared as hers. Her full lips caress the lip of the cup, closing her eyes in soaking in the faint rays of sunlight, dark lashes fan her face, hiding her doll-like eyes. Her upturned nose and porcelain skin tell nothing of the horrors she’s faced. I’ll miss River too.

I’ve been telling myself since I made the decision that being gone won’t affect her as much. That’s what I say to fight off the guilt. Despite our short time together, she’s made an impact on me. She’s been a friend when I didn’t think I needed anyone. Listened when no one would, held me when I cried and never left my side. She’s healed things in me I never knew were broken. This is how I want to remember her.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?” She asks with a raised eyebrow.

“I was just thinking about how grateful I am for you.” My voice cracks and warmth spreads through my chest. Her eyes soften at the corners as she places a hand over her heart. “Tonight is the Halloween party. Are you excited?” I change the subject to avoid her prying for more than I want to give.

“Yeah, the workers finished putting everything together last night! Did you see it?” I shake my head. The only thing I saw was most of the male carnival workers check out the young girls, flirt and whistle at them. One tried to approach me on Tuesday, and I made a run for it. Wishing I had a rape whistle to blow in his face.

Classes were excused today by the stand in dean. Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen or heard from dean Brian in a while. I’ll take that as no news is good news. Earlier this week, my outfit was delivered. I’m beyond excited about tonight.

In the bathroom lays my costume I went all out for. I’ve decided a sexy clown would be my big bang. My life has always been the bud of a bad joke. The bruises I have will be an excellent addition since it’s Halloween and I won’t have to hide them with hoodies that press down on them. Tonight is about setting myself free.

With each step towards the evening festivities, the cold becomes more pronounced, causing a tingling sensation on my exposed skin. The air crackles with an electric energy, making me restless and jittery. Nothing can touch me right now. Ignoring Oscar’s offensive comments about my outfit and the judgmental stares from other girls, I carried on with my head held high, eyes straight forward.

River talks animatedly, painting a vivid picture of elaborate costumes and spooky festivities of previous Halloweens. Her attire is reminiscent of a broken doll, with frayed edges and cracked porcelain makeup. The short, tight black dress and a white-collar clings to her curves. By applying white eyeliner on her waterline, her eyes take on a larger, doll-like appearance. The attention to detail in her costume was clear in the realistic cracks she painted onto her forehead and cheek. She said it will light up under the black light like the sky on Fourth of July. I misunderstood the assignment for tonight. All of her make up will light up, while mine is invisible until I’m under the black light.

A red and white stripped tent dominates the once wide-open center of the campus appeared to be held down by fairy lightsthat connect at the top. We enter under a dilapidated, flickering sign that reads “CARNEVIL,” casting a wicked glow. With the lights missing in the first four letters, the word “Evil” is more conspicuous and eye-catching. Circus Psycho by Diggy Graves is playing somewhere from the middle overlapping with regular carnival music that cuts out now and then. It’s giving horror movie vibes.

Carnival workers are dressed in orange jail jumpsuits with prison numbers on the arm, wandering around. Based on their appearance, it seems like they focused their decorating efforts on their head and above. The lack of budget restrictions allowed the student body to fully express themselves through provocative or scary costumes.

There is so much going on, I don’t know where to look first. My mind is numb as I try to soak in my last night here. Some rides make me pause because they seem as weathered as the sign we entered through, producing creaks and groans with every twist. The combination of cotton candy, deep-fried foods, alcohol, and perfume created a sensory overload as their scents mix. Black lights, dangling from every angle, bathe the designated party area in a surreal glow, accentuating the food and game booths. River was accurate in stating that she would be glowing. Her eyeliner, lashes, and previously unseen cracks on her body are all neon in the light.

“Whoa. I have to say I’m a little impressed.” She says as she stares at the now visible white black light makeup I drew on.

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