Page 24 of Taming a Ruthless Heart

Rose tugs on my hand, “Let’s go find them, Mama!”

As we move toward the informal dining room, I glance back at Fran, the warmth of her presence soothing me.There’s something comforting in seeing her here.Like a piece of my old life is still intact, untouched by the darkness that’s followed me for so long.

But I know this peace won’t last.It never does.Not when I’m keeping secrets from a man who’s just trying to protect us.Secrets that could tear his world apart.

For now, though, I let myself enjoy this moment.I allow myself to believe that, for a little while longer, things might be okay.

Who could blame me?This illusion is all I have.

9

Alexia

After breakfast, Rose and Pete begged Nadya and me to come to the indoor pool.Now their infectious laughter and the calming sounds of water echo through the enclosed area, filling the air.The sun beams down through the glass ceiling, making the clear blue water sparkle.It creates a strange, ethereal calm around us.The tranquil setting feels like it belongs in a different life, a life untouched by the darkness of my world.

I sit at the edge of the pool, my feet dangling in the cool water.I let my mind wander, feeling the warmth this place offers.Nadya sits beside me, her legs stretched out, the sun catching the edges of her auburn hair as she watches the kids play with a soft, distant smile on her face.

The kids are in the shallow end, splashing around.Rose’s laughter, high and clear, is something I haven’t heard enough of.I steal a glance at her—her cheeks flushed with excitement.So free, so happy!A tightness in my chest makes breathing painful.I know that this moment—this feeling of safety and normalcy—won’t last forever.

Nadya shifts beside me, her toes dipping into the water as she leans back on her hands, eyes trained on the kids playing.There’s something in her posture—something heavy, like a shadow settling over her.

“You okay?”I ask, my voice soft, careful not to disturb the fragile calm around us.

She hesitates, as though deciding whether to speak.When she does, her voice is quiet, raw, peeling back layers I didn’t know she had.“You ever feel like no matter what you do, you can’t escape where you came from?”

I frown, sensing the weight behind her words.“I think I know exactly what you mean.”

Nadya sighs, her gaze still fixed on Rose and Pete in the pool.“Growing up in the Mafia world...it’s like being born with invisible chains.My mother, Moira, tried to protect me from it all, but no matter how sweet or caring she was, there was only so much she could do.”

I steal a glance at her, my curiosity piqued.There’s a weariness in her voice that strikes a chord in me, a reminder of the life we both share.I can see the same shadows in her eyes that I sometimes see in my own reflection—the marks of people who have lived through too much.

“I get it,” I murmur, my thoughts drifting to Rose, to the life I’ve tried to shield her from.But how do you protect a child from something that’s in your blood, woven into the fabric of your very existence?

Nadya shifts slightly, a bittersweet smile tugging at her lips.“I thought maybe I could outrun it, too.Then I fell in love with one of Dave’s soldiers.Ray...he’s my everything, but even with him, I’ve learned you can’t truly escape this world.It always finds a way to pull you back.”

Her words settle heavily between us, a shared grief that neither of us needs to explain.There’s no escaping where we come from, no matter how far we try to run.

Rose’s small voice breaks the silence.

“Mama, can I go fetch the ball?It’s my turn.”She points toward the open doors leading out to the backyard.The colorful ball she and Pete have been playing with is nestled between the doorframe and a flower bed, the bright red and blue standing out starkly against the greenery.

“Of course, moy zaychik.”I watch as she darts off toward the door, her feet making light, quick steps across the warm stone.

I feel Nadya’s eyes on me, so I turn to face her.

“You know, I’ve noticed that Rose is constantly asking for permission to leave a room,” Nadya says quietly.“Has she always been like that?”

The question catches me off guard and I hesitate.How much can I trust Nadya?She’s been nothing but kind, always helpful with Rose, and my daughter seems to adore her.Rose has always been a good judge of character, and that should be enough for me.Still, old habits die hard, and I’ve spent so long hiding the truth, building walls around me and Rose.I’m afraid to let anyone in.

I sigh, deciding to give her something, just enough to answer her question.“I’ve been through a lot,” I begin, my voice low.“So I’ve done everything I could to protect her from our world, but...”I trail off, the memories rising to the surface unbidden.“We spent most of Rose’s life locked away in a room inside one of Igor’s houses.He has homes all over the world; to me, they were all just prisons.”

Nadya locks eyes with me, sympathy and understanding softening her expression.“And I’m guessing you didn’t have permission to move freely much.”

I shake my head, bitterness creeping into my voice.“No.We were watched constantly.I think...I think Rose asking for permission to leave a room is just a knee-jerk reaction now.Like she’s still waiting for someone to tell her it’s safe.”

Nadya nods thoughtfully, her expression softening.“That makes sense.It’s a learned behavior, ingrained in her from years of having no control over her environment.”She pauses for a moment, her gaze shifting back outside where Rose and Pete are laughing, running in circles.“She likes to play in the closet, a small haven of safety.”

I nod, my throat tightening.“I worry about how all that isolation will affect her long-term,” I admit, in a low voice.

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