Page 33 of Baby Maker

“Keegan?”

I flush at the intimate use of his name. “Dr. Russo.”

“You two spend a ton of time together.” And once again, Simon is wearing his lecturer cap.

“I haven’t seen him since that night.” Not that I haven’t been tempted to call him every day, but where does that line of friendship blur into something more? Besides, he isn’t blowing up my phone, either. The last thing I need is to appear clingy and needy.

I spent a year and a half living in that zone. No more, thank you.

“Promise me you’ll be careful?”

“Always, Simon. I want to rejoin the world of the living. Nigel wouldn’t want me cooped up in the house, wasting away. Letting life pass me by.”

This time, the nod is enthusiastic. Total agreement. Finally. “What’s the latest on the baby plan?”

“There’s no issue with me. Physically, at least. He’s running some tests to rule out chromosomal abnormalities in Nigel’s sperm, whatever that means.”

“It means that the fetus won’t develop, or will develop with severe disabilities and life-threatening conditions. Incompatible with life.”

I swallow against the lump in my throat. “I never thought that Nigel and I would be incompatible with anything. Especially not something so important.”

“Well, you don’t know yet if that’s the case. I’m sure that Dr. Russo—Keegan—is looking at every available option.” He motions to the server for another drink. “Even though I risk raising your ire for the millionth time today, I have one more question, considering you are stepping back into the dating pool. Have you thought about how being a single mother to a newborn might affect any future relationships? Even more so if you’re pregnant with someone else’s child. That’s some tricky navigation, Calliope.”

Simon may not have meant to anger me, but his questions spark the fury burning inside my gut. “I wouldn’t date if I was pregnant. I’m also aware that it would limit my options, but the right man would understand.”

“Would he?”

“Wouldn’t he? Nigel isn’t some random sperm donor. He’s my husband. We had plans, Simon. Important life plans. And just because he died doesn’t mean that he’s gone. I have a chance for him to live on.”

“Calliope, I loved Nigel. I miss the hell out of him. But are you doing this because you want his baby or because you feel you owe it to him? That you feel like he was cheated?”

“He was cheated. So was I.” I toss down my fork, taking a few deep breaths. “Most people don’t have this opportunity. I do. What would it say about my love for Nigel if I didn’t take this chance?”

Simon grasps my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Nothing. It wouldn’t change your love for Nigel one iota. I adore you, and I’m terrified that you’re doing this because you feel you should. If you know that this is what you want, one hundred percent, then I’m behind you. All the way. But I see it in your eyes. You’re conflicted—”

“You’re making me conflicted,” I snap, drawing gazes from the other restaurant patrons.

“It’s the last thing I want to do. But I think you’re looking for something with this baby, and I fear you won’t find it because you don’t know what you want. What you want for yourself. This is your life, now. You have to start living it on your terms, according to your rules. But you’re still living it according to the rules you and Nigel created.”

I shove myself back from the table. I need to leave, or I’ll pitch the vase at my friend’s head. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. You don’t have a clue what it’s like to lose someone you love.”

Okay, that statement is complete rubbish. He knows. In fact, he agonized over our friend’s death for years. And watching his face crumple, I immediately regret my words.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry, Simon.”

A solemn mask slides over his features as he offers a curt nod. “I’ll watch Domino for you.”

I fidget, desperate to rain down more apologies, but my friend won’t meet my gaze. I’ve wounded him when all he wanted to do was protect me. “Maybe I shouldn’t go. You’re likely correct. It will only muddy things further.”

“Go to the damn wedding. Take advantage of the open bar.”

“The one perk of a wedding.”

Simon elicits a low chuckle, and I seize my in.

“Are we okay?”

Finally, after what seems an eternity, those blue eyes swing in my direction. “Yes. I’m only looking out for you. I’m sorry if it appeared that I was impeding on your life. I’m protective. You’re my family.”

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