Page 35 of Baby Maker

I slide my hands against my legs for the millionth time, unable to squash the butterflies roosting in my belly. So much has changed in the last two years. Hell, in the last month, even.

I’m not the same woman I was before Nigel’s death. Will I be the same instructor?

Will my grief deepen my teachings or detract? The questions swirl around my brain, but a glance at the clock reminds my mental reel to put a lid on it.

I can do this. This is my passion, and it doesn’t matter how long I’ve been gone because my studio is my home. You can always go home again.

* * *

An hour later,I tap the gong, signaling the end of class. The students slowly stir from their savasana pose before gathering their things and moving to the changing area. On the way out, each one pauses to offer a hug and show of support. Keegan hangs back, offering me a wink and thumbs up from across the studio.

It feels fantastic to be back on the mat. To lead my students in their flow, finding my own flow in the process.

It was also invigorating for Keegan to be part of the class, even if his downward dog requires some work. Luckily for him, Ally was right there, offering her personal hands-on adjustments.

What a pal. I shake away the lingering feelings of envy. I know full well that I’m being ridiculous. Childish. Possessive.

But damn it, I can’t help it. I blame Keegan for being so dashing that he evokes those emotions in me. Yes, that excuse works.

Even if I loathe the concept, he’s been a hell of a friend, too. When I asked him to support me, he was there. No questions asked.

I fight back the disappointment as Ally waves off the last student, bidding them a good evening. Keegan is gone. He likely has exciting plans for the evening. I realize that I need to get some exciting plans of my own, even if the idea terrifies me.

“How does it feel?” Ally questions, looping an arm around my shoulder.

“Like I’ve been away too long.”

“You have, but yoga will always welcome you back. Want to grab some Starbucks?”

I shake my head, pulling my coat off the hook. “Not tonight. Although, I found a new coffee place. I’ll take you tomorrow?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Strolling out the door, I turn right onto Main Street, away from Starbucks, and toward the small coffee shop that Keegan introduced me to weeks ago.

“Have I made a convert out of you?”

I turn on my heel, catching sight of Keegan leaning against his Jeep. “Whatever do you mean?” I fight to maintain an innocent expression, but I feel the grin breaking across my face at his insinuation.

“Starbucks is back that way.”

I place my finger in front of my lips, shushing him. “Keep your voice down. If you must know, I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my baristas. But don’t tell them. Don’t want them getting all huffy.”

Keegan snaps his fingers, those blue eyes dancing with mischief. “I knew you had a little kink in you somewhere. Care for some company?”

I nod, feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush. “Absolutely. How did you like the class?”

“It was great, even though I didn’t know what the hell I was doing most of the time. You’re an incredible instructor.”

“You did well for your first class. The women really liked you as an addition. I think several of them were drooling in your direction.”

He chuckles, pulling out a scrap of paper. “One in particular. Ally gave me her number. Told me she’s singing at some bar tonight. Wanted me to check it out.”

Hello, jealousy, lovely to see you again. What is my issue? I’m not a jealous person. In all my years with Nigel, the green-eyed monster never showed itself. But Keegan? Now that’s a different story, and his most recent invitation from Ally rips through me with the ferocity of a lion’s paw. “Did she? I’m sure you two will have fun together.”

“I never said I was going.”

“Hmm. I think you will.” I chew my lip, both a nervous gesture and also a means to prevent me from saying anything I might regret later. Like I said, I’m a newbie in this arena of envy.

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