Page 106 of Like A Moth To A Flame

How could I be so stupid?

Now, I could be stupid… and pregnant.

And I still didn’t fucking know who he was.

I let him fuck me, and I didn’t even know his name.

When I finally managed to stand up, the cold bit into me, seeping through my clothes and into my skin. A wave of nausea washed over me, and I leaned against the wall, my breath coming in shallow gasps, my stomach sucking in and hollow. I wondered if I was about to be sick. I felt like I was being torn apart from the inside.

Gripping the sides of the tower, I tried to focus on the uneven surface, the worn stone, my hands shaking as I gripped the banister and tried to make my way downstairs.

The stairs creaked beneath my feet as I stumbled down, my vision swimming, each step a struggle. I cursed myself internally as I navigated the spiral staircase, my body heavy and weighed down by the guilt and shame of what had happened. Each step brought me closer to the ground, and the darkness outside threatened to swallow me whole. Finally, I made it to the bottom, and I stumbled off the stairs, smoothing my hands down the front of my dress as I stared at the closed door.

I had to walk out there and act like I was fine. I had to make it believable.

I grabbed the handle and pulled, and the moment the door swung open, a rush of pounding music and strobing lights hit me in the face. I blinked against the onslaught and slipped into the ballroom, my head down and my fists clutching the sides of my dress. I barely made it to the table when Amelia appeared behind me, and her terrified voice had to fight to reach my ears.

“Vanessa?! What happened? You’ve been gone for like an hour! I’ve been looking for you, and I—”

When I turned and looked at her, something broke inside of me, and I dissolved in her arms. Shocked, she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her chest, where the smell of her perfume and her warmth enveloped me in a comforting embrace that I leaned into, desperate.

“Are you okay?” she asked, a hand on my cheek.

It reminded me way too much of him, and I pulled away.

“C-can we go home?” I asked, tears slicing through my voice until it hung in tattered ribbons.

“Of course, sweetheart,” Amelia said, her voice filled with concern. “We’ll go home. Let’s go.”

She took me by the arm and led me through the crowd, the music fading into the background as I tried to process everything that had happened. I couldn’t believe how quickly my life had changed.

She led me out of the ballroom and back into the crisp night air, her arm wrapped around my shoulders as I stumbled along beside her. The cold air bit at my skin, but I barely felt it. As I stumbled down the stairs, tears blurred my vision, and I had to cling to herto stay upright. At the bottom of the stairs, Tommy sat leaning against the metal railing, wearing nothing but a white dress shirt and black slacks. He didn’t look up as we passed.

Just as well. I didn’t want him to know.

I didn’t want anyone to know.

We climbed into the car, the engine roaring to life as I tried to compose myself. I glanced at Amelia, her eyes full of questions that I wasn’t ready to answer. Instead, I focused on the world outside the car window; the moon hanging full on the horizon, shrouded in a dull yellow glow that marked the harvest.

The weight of tonight hung between Amelia and me like a heavy mist. She reached over and took my hand, her touch reassuring but also so heavy somehow.

“Ness?” she asked gently, squeezing my hand. “You okay?”

“I… don’t know,” I told her honestly, and then I fell quiet.

I didn’t know what else to say.

Pulling away, she sighed, threw the Escalade into reverse, and we were off.

I stared at the darkness, watching as the town whipped past the window, and then gave way to the treeline. Before long, we pulled down the long, winding driveway, dipping and weaving through pothole after pothole.

We pulled up out front, and she flipped the key off, the engine falling quiet around us. The silence was deafening. Even the crickets outside were uncharacteristically quiet.

Mocking me. They were all mocking my stupidity, and I deserved it.

“Nessie?” she asked. “What happened?”

I sighed, and when I inhaled, it came in a sharp, sucking breath.

---