Page 124 of Like A Moth To A Flame

He looked down at me, and there was something different in the depths of his brown eyes—something lighter, and I couldn’t remember ever seeing before.

“Yeah?”

“Is this okay?” I asked.

He seemed confused.

“Is what okay?”

“Going out with me like this.”

He studied my face, his lips lifting in the corners, if only just a little.

“Does it make you happy?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said.

I was happy, really, for the first time in longer than I cared to remember.

“If it makes you happy, then I’m happy.”

Reaching up, I threaded my hand behind his neck and pulled him down until his lips pressed against mine, and I felt him stiffen again.

He was worried, I knew he was.

Someone could see us, and as he’d said before, people would talk.

Let them talk. I didn’t care.

I kissed him, hard, feeling the flutter of butterflies dancing in my chest, rather than the stiffening of fear that I had felt before.

30

I need to heal what I inflict, but I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it

Firefly

Ifinally felt myself relax when we left the diner.

She was wrapped around me, her hand woven around my bicep to keep me close, and I still couldn’t believe it.

The dark voices in the back of my head were quiet for the first time in a lot of years, but part of me couldn’t help but wonder…

Was this some kind of joke? Was she luring me into a trap? Would I die at her hand, a knife driven into my chest as I bled out around her?

I felt more content than I could remember feeling in a long time, and the anger that festered inside me had fallen away… but did I deserve to feel like this?

This couldn’t be real. Maybe it was some sadistic fever dream, and I’d wake up with vodka sweats and a bad headache.

How could an angel be content in the arms of a monster? How could someone as perfect as her enjoy the presence of something as imperfect as I was?

It couldn’t be real. I refused to let myself believe it.

What had happened to my Little Moth? What had changed in her so suddenly, and why? Where was my innocent little girl who shied away from me and cried at the sounds of shadows? I didn’t know what to do with myself now that she was here, and she had willingly brought herself here.

Soft and careful didn’t come as easily to me as rough and violent seemed to.

The closer we got to my door, the slower I walked. I didn’t want the moment to end, even if it all turned out to be a lie. She could stab me in the chest and I’d thank her for the opportunity with my final breath.

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