Page 156 of Like A Moth To A Flame

“Because if anyone comes into this house and hurts you, I’ll get sent away.”

“I think that’s considered self-defense,” I said, sighing.

“Self-defense is when you kill to protect yourself,” he said, reaching down to ruffle Duke’s leathery ears. “What I would do would be considered torture.”

38

So we hide away and never tell. You decide if darkness knows you well.

Moth

Life with Duke had progressed easier than I had originally thought it would. He was an excellent listener and an amazing companion. It wasn’t until the end of the first week with him that I realized just how happy I was to have him with me. I had missed having a dog around, regardless of how much I didn’t want to admit it to myself.

He was good to have around on nights Tommy was on shift, and as weeks moved into months and Amelia and I got bigger and bigger, it was good to give her the option to stay home when she wanted to.

She chose to spend tonight with me, and I was happy to have her. After going over breast pump options and re-doing our birth plans for approximately the 4,876th time, we settled in front of the TV with Chinese takeout, Duke snoring at our feet. We were at the end of our seventh month, and everything was swelling to uncomfortable levels. Amelia had opted to know the gender beforebirth (she was having a boy), while I had opted out. It made me feel good to have something to look forward to when labor got to its worst. I had long ago decided on a natural, unmedicated birth, while Amelia instead chose a scheduled c-section.

I twirled my fork into the lo-mein and shoveled it into my mouth, letting out a low groan as the taste hit my tongue. After a long day of lugging around these extra thirty pounds I’d put on, it was good to have a break.

“Oh, shit,” Amelia grumbled, lifting the plate she’d sat across her belly. I looked over, watching as her abdomen jumped and distorted, tiny punches and kicks pummeling her from the inside.

“I guess Donovan likes egg rolls,” I said with a chuckle, reaching over to feel. It was like a metal concert inside her, and I laughed. I imagined her son being just as rambunctious as she had always been, and the thought made me smile. I couldn’t wait to see what a tiny, gender-bent Amelia would be like.

“Of course he does,” Amelia said, looking at me with a grin. “He takes after his mom.”

I laughed, twirling the noodles around my fork once more.

“Between you and Carl, that baby is gonna be the palest, blondest baby this world has ever seen.”

“All I gotta say is I would rather have tall and skinny than Tommy’s shoulders,” she waved her fork in the direction of my belly and raised her eyebrows. “I do not envy you come d-day. And without an epidural? Girl, you are braver than I could ever be. Just thethoughtgives me nightmares.”

I had just opened my mouth to reply when Duke rose to attention, flipping over and rising to stand before I could even react. Hestood between Amelia and me and the coffee table, his head low and ears pinned to the back of his head.

“Duke…” I said, watching him with narrowed eyes as he started to creep toward the front door, a low, electrifying growl rumbling in his throat. As I watched him with narrowed eyes, I noticed the fur along the back of his neck start to stand on end, instantly making me feel like I’d been drenched in ice water.

“Should we call?” Amelia asked, silently reaching over and placing her plate on one of the two tables flanking the couch.

We had planned for a situation just like this one, Tommy and Carl running through it with us again and again.

“Not yet,” I said in a whisper, throwing myself up and off of the couch and reaching over to the coffee table where the pistol lay gleaming in the low light. I snatched it off the polished wood as I stood, holding it low at my side just as Tommy had taught me.

“But Tommy said—”

“He said to call if someone broke in,” I whispered, stepping past her. Duke had made it to the door, and he was frantically sniffing at the crack near the handle. “No one has broken in. For all we know, it could be the wind.”

“Oh yeah, that makes perfect sense,” Amelia hissed, fighting to push herself off the couch. “Your highly trained k-9 officer is freaking out about a wind blowing down the sidewalk when he has never once done that before.”

I ignored her, one hand pressed to my stomach as I tiptoed toward the door, listening for any sound from outside, and there was none. I watched as Duke stood a little straighter, looking quizzicallytoward the door handle, before looking back at me as if questioning me.

‘Did you hear that too?’

Except I hadn’t.

As I stood there waiting, a sudden thought crossed my mind. When I first got back to Cottonwood Falls, I never would have done this. I would have run away screaming. Had Tommy made me a little braver, or maybe preparing to become a mom had been what did it?

I remembered my mom, and how brave she had been when she was fighting for her life.

Was it because of motherhood?

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