Page 10 of Halftime

I loved hockey. This year, like every summer break from school, I’d been to hockey camps, and things had really started to click. There were no guarantees. I could hit the boards and be out for the season with an injury, like Coop had been last year. But unless something like that happened, I was looking at a good year. Really good. Declaring for the draft should be a given. Except, my parents didn’t like that idea.

They liked a lot of things about hockey. They liked that I’d been able to attend camps whenever school was out. They loved when I was drafted for Juniors back in Canada and ended up with a team near Toronto. They loved that I’d stayed with a billet family. They loved when I got offers of scholarships to universities to play hockey. They weren’t hurting for money, but they had other kids lined up after me that needed tuition money.

What my parents didn’t like was the idea of me declaring for the draft, getting drafted, and dropping out of school to play, probably in some feeder league to see if I might get called up to play in the big league. They didn’t like that an injury could leave me with no career and no education. And that could leave me their responsibility again.

I’d always been the outlier when it came to my family. If I got a degree and a normal job, maybe I’d fit in better. Fit in in a way I’d never done before. And honestly, the chances of ending up in the NHL were pretty small. The odds were getting better for me, but there were no guarantees.

I was torn, so mostly I tried to forget I had to make the decision soon. Until the season started and I found out how I was really playing, I could let it ride. Of course, ignoring it for now would be easier if people would just stop asking the question.

The rest of the date was fine. The pizza was good, and no one talked about hockey again. After we’d had our fill of pizza, and I’d passed on the cinnamon fritters—training was starting—we split the bill. Holly’s friend lived in a different dorm, so we said goodbye to them and headed in the other direction.

Holly snuggled close to me. “I haven’t seen your new room yet.”

“We can’t go to the hockey house,” I said a little loudly.

Holly stopped in the street. “Why? You don’t want me to see your room? Or your roommates?”

I took a breath. Holly was welcome to see my room, but I didn’t want to go back there, not while there was a chance I’d see Faith. I wasn’t ready for that yet. “They’re having a party, so it’s going to be a little crazy.”

“They’re having a party and you’re not there?”

I could see Holly’s insecurity building up again. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her at the party, or that I was ashamed for the guys to know we were going out again. I needed to go for a long run and work out this Faith stuff, ASAP.

“You asked if we could go out to dinner. And that sounded better than a noisy party with the freshies.”

She was staring at my face as if she suspected me of lying. I wasn’t. But I wasn’t telling her everything. And that made me feel horrible.

“Next time, I’ll take you to the party instead, but you’ll probably regret it.”

That must have reassured her, because she smiled and slipped her hand back into mine.

“Okay, Seb. I want you to tell me the things you want to do, too. Not always do what I plan.”

“Sure.” She didn’t understand, not fully, how much I’d be limited by hockey commitments starting tomorrow. We might just as well do what she wanted while we could.

There were lots of students wandering around campus. Everyone was back for the fall semester now, but the big class assignments hadn’t started yet, so no one was stressing about homework. I heard music and voices coming from every direction. Kids were partying while they could.

Burlington was a lot different from Toronto. And I loved it. I loved the feel of a smaller place. In Toronto, you missed a lot of the seasons, because the city was so built up. Here, you couldn’t miss the leaves changing, the snow stayed white longer, and it smelled fresher.

Tonight, the air was soft, with just a hint of the cold weather coming.

We arrived at the doorway to Holly’s dorm. I’d helped her move her stuff in, so I’d seen her room. She had a private bedroom. And she asked me to come up.

I was going to go up, and we’d have sex. That had become a given once I said my room wasn’t available.

But…I couldn’t.

Between Faith and the talk about the draft, I was too unsettled. I felt itchy, irritable. I needed that long run. Needed to put my mind in neutral for a while, let the pounding of my feet distract me from thinking, and see what nuggets of wisdom floated up from my subconscious.

“Sorry, Holly. I should go.”

There was the worried look again. Damn it. What was my problem?

“You’re going to the party?”

No, I wasn’t going to go and try to party without her. But I wouldn’t be able to focus on Holly the way she deserved if I went up there now, and I wasn’t going to use her. I felt bad enough that I hadn’t been completely with her mentally on our date.

“I want to get a run in before tomorrow. We’re going to do weights and stuff, but I want to be sure my stamina is good.”

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