That was a lie. I was in the best condition of my life. I felt bad about lying. But she’d feel worse if I told her I was going for a run because I wasn’t sure how I felt about Faith being back. I needed to get that worked out immediately. Because it wasn’t fair to Holly. And because I needed to get my life settled. This was a big year for me. I needed to get my shit together. I would. It might take ten miles or more, but I would.
* * *
Faith
I was a couple of weeks into my freshman year, and things were not working out the way I’d planned it.
I knew I’d have to deal with being on the same campus as Seb, and I could handle that. At least, I thought I could. Going forward, I would. As long as I wasn’t suddenly shoved into his arms and unexpectedly caught up in those old feelings. We’d been together for almost two years. Lots of history. And that day at the rink was the first time I’d seen him since we’d broken up.
I was prepared now, focused on why we weren’t together. I’d keep Seb at a distance and avoid him as much as possible. As much as I’d like to blame Seb for everything, I couldn’t. It wasn’t his fault Coach hated me. Or that I was struggling with classes. I was working my ass off in practices. I was the last one off the ice, and usually the first one on. I’d met all my teammates and done my best to get along. And honestly, I was playing really well. But Coach was convinced that everything I did was to impress the guys, and I had no idea how to change that.
Coach didn’t do anything that crossed the line. She criticized, but legitimately. And she’d let me know when I did something impressive, but there was this look on her face, a tone in her voice, that told me she didn’t buy it. Some of my teammates had noticed and asked what I’d done. By this point, they’d all heard about the shoot-out with the freshman guys. Most of them thought it was funny. I understood why Coach’s ass was so bugged by it better now though. At Moo U, when people said hockey was king, they meant it. King. As in men. The women’s team was an also-ran as far as things on campus went.
The big flyers around the school showed the men’s team, not the women’s. The photos in the university promo materials were all of the guys. The guys practiced in the afternoon, so we had to practice in the late morning, which made course selection a bitch. We shared the men’s facilities, which were good, but only when the men weren’t using them. After one of our training workouts was cancelled because of something the men’s team needed, it really hit home. I understood Coach Cray. I just had no idea how to prove to her that I was happy to play on her team.
I was the best goalie on the team. But it wasn’t going to be enough. I hadn’t told my dad yet that I’d started off on the wrong foot, and I was going to do my best to make sure he never found out. If he got involved, I’d lose all chance at earning Coach’s respect. And I was determined to. I hadn’t gotten this good by backing down.
Classes were kicking my ass as well. I’d heard that college could be tougher than high school, but I’d been so focused on hockey that I’d ignored thinking about classes. Another mistake. I planned to major in business, and for some reason, I’d thought it would be a good idea to get rid of all the non-business classes first, before I hopefully became a starter and had to focus more on hockey. That meant I had a bunch of classes that didn’t interest me much, and the profs were piling on the course work.
Hockey wasn’t my happy place the way it always had been. Penny was spending a lot of time with her cross-country guy, so I felt like a third wheel in my own room. I figured it had to get better, but then Coach dropped the bomb about how we were doing the preseason exhibition game this year, and suddenly, things hadn’t been that bad in comparison.
4
Sebastien
My run didn’t give me any magic solutions, but I managed to get my brain mostly in gear. By that, I mean that I was able to focus on hockey and was left tired enough that the rest couldn’t mess me up too much.
Last year, I’d hardly noticed the women’s team. Since we shared the rink, we weren’t there at the same time very often. We did sometimes use the workout rooms together. Not the scheduled times, but if we went in for extra workouts.
This year, I couldn’t help but notice. It came as no surprise that Faith worked out a lot. As much as I’d like to forget she was around, I couldn’t. I only saw her at a distance, and I never saw her looking at me. She was never near a place I was working out, and my brain was stupid enough that I had to remind it that was good. Other than that, the first week or so went by pretty well. I met up with Holly for meals and studying, but hockey was my first priority. She was supportive and let me do what I needed to do without feeling guilty. As long as I texted her so she knew I wasn’t ghosting her, she was good. I was a lucky guy.
Then, a week in, Coach dropped a bombshell.
Last year, we’d played an exhibition game against the women’s team as part of the pre-season. Ticket sales had gone to a charity, and it had given the women some exposure. When Coach mentioned an exhibition game, I realized that playing against the women this year would be different if Faith was in net.
I heard one of the freshmen ask his buddy if they’d be facing that goalie on the women’s team again. I knew he meant Faith. We would not be able to ignore her.Iwould not be able to ignore her. Would I?
Fortunately, I spent the least amount of time in the offensive zone near the other team’s goalie. It’s not like I wouldn’t have to face Faith in net, assuming she played, which she would, but not that often. I could ignore her for a few shifts, right? Of course, it wasn’t going to be that easy.
“We’re doing something new this year,” Coach said. “We’re going to mix up the teams.”
I wasn’t the only one confused. Cooper frowned over at me. We’d been paired up in practices and were pretty sure we’d be playing together a lot this year. What did Coach mean by mixing up the teams? Did that mean splitting us up? Playing us as forwards? Or, hellacious thought, goalies?
He could tell we weren’t following, and his grin was evil. “We’re going to have co-ed teams for the exhibition game.”
A groan went through the locker room. I wasn’t a math major, but I knew that meant there was a fifty per cent chance I could be on the same team as Faith. Instead of playing on the opposite end of the ice, I might be playing in front of her. We couldn’t ignore each other on the same team.
Fuck.
“Teams are posted. Anyone in this locker room on the losing team gets suicides.”
It was supposed to be a friendly game, but Coach was making sure we were going to play and not loaf on the ice. And since we’d probably be split up fifty-fifty, half the guys in the locker room would be on the losing team. Then I realized he was going to be coaching one team while Coach Cray, the women’s coach would be coaching the other team. I wasn’t sure which would be worse, being on Coach’s team and losing, or being on the other team and winning. I hoped he would win. And that I would be on his team.
“There’s a practice for the co-ed teams on Saturday morning before the game Saturday night.”
He left the room, and conversation buzzed. Some of the guys were upset they had to play with women. Some of the guys thought it was great.
Cooper leaned over. “Which do you want, to play for Coach or against him?”