Page 57 of Halftime

“Do you have anything else to say?”

I had my fork halfway to my mouth, but I froze. “Faith, I meant to call you. I tried to get out of the noise and ended up with my phone in a cup of beer, and now I’m without a phone, and I can already tell this is going to be a problem. I don’t have an alarm, which is why I was late to breakfast. I’m sorry for all that, but I did try. I even asked to borrow someone else’s phone, but she couldn’t do texts in the US. And then it was late, and I didn’t want to disturb you. What else do you want?”

Faith’s mouth clamped shut. She pulled out her own phone, swiped a few times, and then she set it on the table and shoved it over to me. There was a photo on the screen, one someone had posted on Insta from the party last night. It was me and Raylene, and I could see how it could look suspicious.

I mean, if someone leaning over to possibly kiss someone on their cheek got you riled up. I had been trying to talk into her ear, I wasn’t near her mouth. I sat up, ready to explain to Faith that Raylene was Marcher’s sister and had been there for his birthday, and that she was dating the guy standing on the other side of her. I was pretty sure if you looked through Raylene’s account, you’d find a shit ton of pictures of the two of them together, because that’s how girls liked to do Insta—at least, my exes had.

Faith had her arms crossed, and she didn’t look at me. She had already decided I’d cheated. Or almost cheated. Or wanted to. I could prove I hadn’t…this time. This time, the girl happened to have her boyfriend right beside her, and if I needed, I could get everyone from the party to back up my story. From the way Faith was looking, I might have to. It would be embarrassing, but I could definitely make them do it. This time, I could. But what about the next time?

The truth was, I was a hockey player. And people liked to take pictures with hockey players. Sometimes, they liked to pretend it was more than just a shot with a fan. They wanted a picture that looked like they’d been close to a hockey player. The way things were here at Moo U, there were going to be a lot of those occasions where Faith wouldn’t be around. I couldn’t always show that a girl in a photo had a boyfriend. There might not be people around who could vouch for me and give me an alibi. And what if I did go pro, like she’d encouraged me? It would only get worse. More women, more photos, more stories.

I imagined a series of confrontations like this in the future. Faith with a picture or story, asking me to prove I hadn’t cheated. A lifetime of being like her parents. Except I hadn’t done anything wrong, and I was still in trouble. Was this how it had started with her parents? Would we always have a relationship disrupted by accusations and defenses? It would look just like her home life. A chill slid under the sweat I’d worked up while running over here to placate Faith.

I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t always be able to provide proof.Thishad been pretty innocuous, and it wouldn’t take much work to discover the truth. And yetthiswas a problem. It wasn’t going to work.

Weweren’t going to work.

I hadn’t understood before just how deeply her parents had affected her. She was always going to need proof. And what about the time I didn’t have it? I knew what would happen. Exactly what had happened last year. She’d be gone.

I couldn’t eat another bite. Last year had been brutal. Going through it over and over again? Eventually, Faith would be gone permanently.

I set down my fork, reached for my phone, and carefully sealed it back up in the baggie. It was probably as lost a cause as we were, but leaving it on the table was pointless. I put it in my jacket pocket.

I stood up. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Faith. I wouldn’t.”

She blinked her eyes, fast, and I knew there were tears. “Then tell me. Prove it.”

“I could do that this time. But I shouldn’t have to. And what about the next time? What about when I can’t?”

She wouldn’t look at me. I could feel the pain spreading out from the middle of my chest, making my hands and knees shake.

“Goodbye, Faith.”

It wasn’t just goodbye for now, I knew that. I blinked back my own tears and tried to swallow over a lump the size of a puck in my throat. I walked out, away from the girl I loved. But better now than after we ruined that love. My head knew that.

My heart didn’t.

17

Faith

I read something once about a woman who was stabbed but didn’t feel it. She walked down the dock and onto a boat or something and fell down dead later. This was kind of like that. Seb walked away, I put the tray and dishes in their proper places and went back to my room. No, I wasn’t dead, but I was definitely wounded. There was pain coming.

How the hell had I let this happen to me again? How stupid was I?

Penny knocked on my door. I ignored her. If I kept my mind blank, I could stay numb for a while yet.

“Faith! Faith?” Penny was standing in front of me. I blinked at her. I had no idea what time it was.

“Are you okay?”

I shook my head, because I wasn’t. There were probably some good reasons I shouldn’t admit that, but if I was going to stay numb, I couldn’t look for them.

Penny sat beside me and wrapped an arm around me. “I’m worried about you. You’ve been in here, so quiet… Your phone’s been ringing, and you didn’t answer it.”

I grabbed for my phone. Maybe Seb had gone to get proof. Maybe that goodbye hadn’t meant… But it wasn’t Seb who’d called. And pain sliced through the numbness I’d been embracing. I curled over with my hands wrapped around my waist. Penny kept her arm around me and offered Kleenex. That’s when I knew I was crying. For me, for Seb, for my Gramma… They were knots of pain I did my best to cry out. I finally ran out of tears.

Penny was rubbing my back. “What happened, Faith? Should I call someone?”

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