Page 59 of Halftime

“Was he supposed to?”

“He always answers. And this time, he didn’t.”

Her face was pinched up in Yoda mode. “Okay, I get it. Did he say why?”

I nodded. “His phone fell in a cup of beer at the party last night.”

Penny huffed a breath. “Was that the truth?”

I flashed back to the phone in the bag of rice. The phone had smelt like beer and was very, very dead.

I nodded. “He brought the phone with him and showed me.”

“Ah, sweetie. Just too much all at once, huh? Well, maybe you both just need some space, and then you can talk it through.”

She was right. I needed to do some thinking, but on my own. I was shaken, first by thinking Seb had really cheated, since he wouldn’t defend himself, then by realizing that I’d been very stupid, and that would take some work to understand.

My mother called again, so I pretended to agree with Penny. I said I had a paper due, thanked her for the talk, and said I needed to speak to my mom and then get to it. I could see the relief on her face. She hadn’t signed up for a counselling session. She left the room, closing the door behind her so I could talk.

I managed to swipe to answer just before it went to voicemail again. “Sorry, Mom, things were—”

They were some things I really didn’t want to share with her. But she didn’t wait for me to finish.

“Faith, your grandmother passed away this morning.”

* * *

Penny got back into helper mode, and we made all the arrangements I needed. My parents had booked a plane ticket for me. I got hold of Coach, and I wished she was more disappointed that I had to leave. Absence was arranged for my classes, and Penny found a friend of a friend who had a car and got me to the airport.

I didn’t tell Seb.

I blocked out the sadness I felt about my grandmother by thinking about Seb. I’d been wrong. He hadn’t cheated, hadn’t done anything but lose his damn phone in some beer and not find another way to message me. Was I that needy that a guy couldn’t enjoy a party with his team after a victory without me immediately thinking the worst?

Apparently.

He had a point. He wouldn’t be able to prove himself innocent every time. Unless I put a tracker on him, or hired a PI or something, I was going to have to trust that he wasn’t going to be tempted by the bodies that would be available to him.

Right now, we were only apart for a night or two a week. If he was drafted and started to play professionally, we’d be apart a lot more than that. I pretty much had to stay here in Burlington and finish my four years if I wanted to get on a good team.

Even professional women hockey players needed a job to be able to support playing on a team. We didn’t get paid the big money like the men did. I needed my degree. He didn’t. If he was drafted, he could be called up anytime. Which meant long-distance again, and he’d be an even more desirable target. I didn’t like it, and my dad’s voice filled my head. He’d played. He represented players. He knew what it was like. These guys were offered money, sex, fame—it was part of what they’d worked for. Over the years, my dad had shared details about his work, and so often those details were about guys getting in trouble. And so often it was because of sex.

But Seb could be different, couldn’t he?

There were some guys on his team who had girlfriends long term, and they were good. Adler was with Maggie, and JD was with Ryann. I’d met them briefly, but I didn’t know them well enough to ask personal information, like did the guys ever mess around, and were they okay with that? They probably were fine, just nice, normal couples where one of them was a hockey player.

Maybe if I gave it a chance. Didn’t look at pictures, didn’t count the time between my texts and his, didn’t listen to the rumors and the talk… I could just shut out everything. Keep myself in a bubble. But that would be stupid. Even if it were possible, I wouldn’t want to be kept in the dark. I loved my mom, but I’d never be like her, so dependent on my dad that she’d accept that disrespect. I wasn’t going to do that.

I’d been right all along. Dating was a distraction. I couldn’t be worrying about what Seb was doing all the time. I needed to focus on hockey and school. And someday, if I wanted to risk a relationship, it would be with a guy who came home every day. Someone who didn’t have women throwing themselves at him. Someone it wouldn’t be a risk to trust.

* * *

Sebastien

I loved being part of my team. I was tighter with this group of guys than I was with my family. Having bonds like that was great. Until it wasn’t.

After leaving Faith, I went for a run. I pushed myself, music loud in my headphones, and got back to the hockey house sweating, lungs heaving, and legs shaking. I came out of the shower to find Cooper sitting at my desk, looking through my homework assignment.

“What the fuck, man?”

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