Page 68 of Halftime

I hadn’t seen him since the funeral, and that had been a haze. The time before that, he’d been walking away because I couldn’t trust him. It had been a long time, maybe too long. It was ridiculous the way my breathing was tight and shallow. My stomach had wound into a ball, and my hands and feet were cold even though I could feel sweat starting to drip down my back and breastbone. I took a long, calming breath.

Cooper was there beside him, which wasn’t unexpected. There were also girls, which was typical of these parties at the hockey house. There was a girl with a hand around Seb’s arm. A blonde this time, very pretty, and obviously very interested in Seb.

Spots blurred my vision and I felt dizzy. I reached a hand out to the wall. Waiting so long had been a risk I’d taken because I’d wanted to have something to offer him. I had no ties on him. He was free to find someone else.

He wasn’t cheating, but he was going to break my heart.

21

Faith

I wanted to run, turn and escape from this place. I wanted to have quiet and privacy to work through the pain, because I knew there would be a lot of crying, but not yet. I wasn’t going to do it like this, not anymore. I was determined that I wasn’t going to decide what was happening based on a quick impression. I wasn’t going to assume Seb would cheat on me based on a photo, and I wouldn’t assume I’d lost him because a girl had her hand wrapped around his arm. I was going to take the pain, wait for the truth, and deal with facts, not suspicions and interpretations.

I was going to be an adult even if it killed me, and right now, it kinda felt like it would.

I was also going to get a beer, because there were limits to what I could take without the edges smoothed off. It gave me a respite before I had to look and see that girl with Seb again. I took one of the empty cups and waited for my turn at the keg. I braced myself mentally, because when that beer was done, I’d go and watch to see if Seb had found someone easier. Someone less messed up.

Someone who wasn’t me.

“Faith?”

My hand shook around my cup. Seb was there behind me, saying my name. I swallowed, preparing myself to find him holding the blonde close. Prepared to find out he had a new girlfriend. Prepared to face facts.

I didn’t bother with a smile as I turned. It was going to look wrong anyway, with the edges slipping away as I tried not to cry. He was standing there looking so damned good, and he was alone. I didn’t know where the blonde was. She might still be Seb’s new girlfriend. She wasn’t here now, though, and I had something to say, something Seb deserved to hear.

“Seb, can we talk? Outside? I just need a minute.” It was too loud in here for the apology I owed him.

“You okay?”

I nodded and headed for the front door.

The porch was empty now since the temperature had dropped some more. This should be a short conversation. I turned, leaning against the post for support. I was still holding the stupid cup, but it was empty. I was going to talk to him completely sober.

Seb stood a couple of feet away from me, waiting. His face was mostly in shadow. I took a minute to gather my thoughts, but I needed to do this, and I wasn’t going to put it off.

“I want to apologize. I wasn’t fair to you. I kept looking for ways you were like my dad instead of seeing the person you really are. I was waiting for you to cheat instead of appreciating that you aren’t like that, and I’m sorry I implied you are. I projected my own problems on to you, and you didn’t deserve that.”

He was watching me, but I couldn’t make out his features in the dark. I thought that might be better. Easier.

I went on. “I’m sorry I lost you, and I wish you all the best. You’ll make someone a great boyfriend. I only wish it was with me. Not every girl out there just sees you as a hockey player. You’re a good guy, and they can see that.” I didn’t think my voice was going to last much longer, but I’d gotten it out there. I looked around and then held the empty cup out to Seb.

“I’m gonna go now, so…”

Seb grabbed my wrist instead of the cup. “Wait, Faith. What are you saying?”

I had hoped I’d been clear. With his warm hand on my wrist, it was hard to remember exactly what words I’d used now. “I was wrong. You were right. I can’t jump to conclusions. I have to trust you, and I didn’t do that. It wasn’t fair to you, and I’m sorry.”

He tugged me closer. I couldn’t resist. Closer to Seb was exactly where I wanted to be.

“Can you do that?” His voice was low, a little gruff. “Will you?”

I looked up into his intent brown eyes. “What?”

It was hard to think this close to him. All I wanted to do was touch him, kiss him.

“Can you trust me?”

I swallowed. “I gave myself a test. I didn’t check for anything about you online for two weeks. I decided I had to let that go. But—”

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