Page 40 of Halftime

“Faith, what happened? Didn’t you guys talk?”

I was confused and upset, and this wasn’t something I could talk about with my mom or my teammates, but maybe I could with Penny. “We talked about my grandmother, and then I cried all over him, and somehow, I don’t know, we kissed, and then, yeah, sex. I fell asleep, like, before I could even get dressed, and when I woke up…I just left.”

“Faith.” Penny sounded serious, so I lifted my head.

“You two didn’t plan to have sex, and you did, and you didn’t talk about it?”

I shook my head, slowly, then nodded. I was so confused.

“Not at all?”

I shook my head again.

“How are you feeling?”

I let out a long breath. “Mixed up. I’m sad about my grandmother, and mad at Seb, and I kind of want to punch myself…”

“Okay.” Penny nodded. “Let’s go through this. Sad about grandmother, understood. But why are you mad at Seb?”

“Because—” I stopped. In my head, I still hadn’t rewritten last year. I’d been angry, sad, disappointed for most of the year because he’d cheated. But that wasn’t what had really happened, and I was still adjusting. I needed to change that, because it wasn’t fair to him.

“You get what the problem is with that, right?”

I nodded.

“I guess you still need time to process that one. Now, why do you want to punch yourself?”

“Because I don’t want to get involved with anyone. Sleeping with Seb was stupid. I’m finally doing better with Coach and classes, and I don’t have time to date anyone.”

She blinked at me. “Does that mean you want to date Seb?”

Penny was too good at this. Did I want to? Did I want to even think about this now?

“I don’t know. I mean, we were good together before he came here.”

“And—” Penny lowered her voice, “—the sex?”

My cheeks heated up again. “Good. Um, really good.”

Now I could say that because I had something to compare it to. Like I’d told Cooper, I’d rebounded. I’d refused to let a cheater be my last sex partner. I’d been suspicious of almost any guy back then, but when I was finally ready, I’d gone to a doctor to see what to do about the condom issue and found out about non-latex options.

That had been the easy part. Finding a guy had been more of a problem. I didn’t want a boyfriend, and I didn’t want to hook up with someone local. Finally, at a tournament, I’d met a guy. He’d been interested, and we’d gone to his room. It had been fine, and after, I’d been able to say I’d rebounded. But in a way, I hadn’t. Because just-fine sex wasn’t really getting over Seb.

I’d met someone else at hockey camp over the summer, and he’d been nice. We got along, and he was attracted enough to me to actually pursue me. We’d hooked up, and it had been better than fine. He’d wanted something more, to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Although I’d still been hating on Seb then, I hadn’t been able to stop comparing how it had been with Seb and I, and how it was with him. It wasn’t as good. And I wasn’t going to settle for second best.

I was single. I’d planned to stay that way.

Penny was watching me with narrowed eyes. “Was Seb your first?”

I nodded.

“And have you been with anyone else?”

I nodded again.

“So how does Seb rank compared to anyone else?”

I closed my eyes, more embarrassed than I should be about discussing this. “He’s the best. Still.”

---