Page 12 of Little Fury

I stop at the nearest gas station to fill up the truck. Inside the mom-and-pop store is a little coffee shop. I grab a freshly baked tomato and feta pastry and a sausage and egg breakfast sandwich and order myself the largest London Fog they have.

Ben plotted my path to the meet-up spot and sent it straight to my GPS.I must remember to kiss that guy when I see him.I am mentally drained and physically exhausted; the thought of my vehicle telling me where to go is… well, making me tear up.Hello, mental exhaustion emotions.He made the route through small towns, on smaller highways, and backroads, all in the name of disappearing. I turned some music on and let my pre-set navigation tell me where to go.

“Skin”By Zola Jesus fills the cab as I start along my plotted-out path home to my guys, to what remains of my team.

My brain won’t turn off, won’t just let me be. No. Instead, that bitch wants to replay it all. She wants me to see it all again, regardless of us what I already having lived it. I have nothing left in me to fight her, so instead, I give in. Surrender to the memories; watch it all as it happened then.

17 years earlier

“It’ll be OK, Ava. I'm sorry for all this, for everything you have had to endure. But I promise you will be okay.”Beth says to me. She tries to talk to me during the flight, but I have nothing to say. I feel like I’m slipping under the surface of some fast-moving water. Once, when I was 4, I was on vacation with my parents. We were somewhere with water, and we were playing in it, I got pulled under. It wasn’t scary; it was heavy. This feels like that. Except this time, I know my dad won't be there to pull me out.

We land in Billings, Montana, a couple of hours later. Beth grabs our bags, and we make our way outside. We’ve been outside for about five minutes when a truck pulls up in front of us. A man gets out and heads our way.“You, Beth?”he asks. I look up at him, unsure why he sounds so angry. Our bags are lifted into the bed of the truck and strapped down.

The man opens the truck's back door holdingit open for me. I struggle to get in the back, as the truck is very tall, and I'm pretty small. But I manage. I get settled in the back and put on my seatbelt as we pull away from the curb. Beth tells me it's a three-hour drive.

“She hasn't eaten, so we need to get her food somewhere before we hit the highway, James,”Beth informs him.

“Nothing but a fucking taxi driver, stupid mother f.”

“James!”Beth yells at the big man.“There is a child in this vehicle, and you will watch your mouth while around her. Do I make myself clear?” Beth scolds James, giving the big man no option but to nod and mumble an apology.

I stare out the window, pretending I can't hear them.“There’s a burger place just up ahead. Best burgers around,”James grunts at us. He pulls into the parking lot, and Beth looks back over her shoulder at me.

“Let’s go in and order, and you can go to the bathroom before we head out. Ok?”I don’t say anything, but I nod, open my door and get out.

About 20 minutes later, we’re back in the truck with our food, and James starts driving again. Beth is watching me in her visor mirror, but I ignore her and eat my food. Burgers, fries, and milkshakes are hands down my favorite meals. Whenever I had a difficult day, my dad would take me to his favorite burger place.

“When you’re full, give me whatever is left over, and I’ll put it in with mine.”

“Oh. Sorry, I ate all mine,”I tell her.

“Really?”James asksincredulously. The face he makes over his shoulder at me makes me laugh out loud.

“Well then, ah… I guess give me the garbage then.”I hand Beth my garbage.

“My parents always said I could out-eat three grown men,”I inform no one in particular.

“Good to know, Ava. I will keep that in mind when I feedyou.”

I look at Beth and nod. Sitting back in my seat, I rest my head against the window, watching the road zoom by, and let it lull me to sleep.

The truck, coming to a stop, pulls me from my sleep. It stops in front of a house, and the man James gets out. Beth looks back at me and gives me a nod of encouragement, so I open the door and jump out.

“This way,”James says as he grabs our bags. Beth waits for me to start walking before she follows behind. We walk past the house, heading towards the mountains. There are other buildings out this way I can make them out in the dwindling light. Then, as if it's just for me, lights flicker on all over the place. I pause for a moment to look around. A few people are milling about, and I hear a horse in the distance.“Come on, ladies, keep up. I'm tired and want to be home sooner rather than later.”he says, clearly annoyed by having to help us anymore.

“James, just do your fucking job and shut up. Nobody here cares if you’re tired or if it's past your bedtime.”a voice behind us somewhere calls out.“So just keep walking and let her set the pace.”James snorts and mumbles something I can’t hear.

We make our way to a little house nestled amongst the trees and in front of what I think is a pond. There is a reflection from the water, but I don’t pay much attention to it. I just want to be done with this day. I don’t like it. I hate not knowing where I am, what’s going to happen, or why I’m here.

I think my parents were odd. They always spoke to me like they spoke to any adult they came across. They always told me what was happening, where we were going and why. If friends or the people they had at the house ever questioned why conversations didn’t stop when a child entered the room, my dad would simply give them a look and that was that.

I don’t like not knowing things.

I miss them.

“Not sure what the fuck makes you two so special that you get this place. I wanted this place, and instead, I’m in the fucking apartment over the gym with three other guys. Harry needs to realize who the fuck I am and start showing me a little more respect.”James mumbles under his breath bringing me back to the world in front of me.

“What was that, James?”I hear from right behind us. James freezes mid-movement, and I can't stop the giggle that escapes me at seeing this big man freeze like a child who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

---