Page 95 of Little Fury

A thought runs through me, and I turn cold, my body going preternaturally still.“Are you here to kill me?”The understanding of him being a Campbell finally hits me. I ask him, my voice quiet,“Are you here for that? It's okay; I won’t fight you so long as you don't hurt the guys. They did nothing but place their loyalty in me. You can have me; just don’t hurt them.”

“Fuck. Ava, no. I’m not here to hurt you or them. I love you; I am so in love with you. I was so lost when you left. I worked and came home. That was it.”

I charge at him and push him with all my strength.“NO!NO! You don't get to say that to me. You don't know me! I don't know you!”I keep pushing him until I have him against the far wall.

I don't see him anymore. My rage and pain have taken my sight.

I can’t separate that day's memories from today's reality. It's all too much. It all blurs. I lash out at anything. I know my fist hits something. So, I keep hitting. The feeling of something solid, a small anchor point for me in the haze of my mind. Minutes or days could have passed in that haze. The days all one big jumble in my mind.

I'm being lifted off my feet then, my arms trapped against my body. I fight like a wild animal, as I was trained to do. I fight like my life depends on it. I hear voices; someone yells for a bag, and I hear my name being said repeatedly. But it all seems so distant.“Let me go!” I keep fighting whoever is holding me, but they have me so tight. I feel a sharp sting in my arm. Then everything starts to go fuzzy. My body starts to feel heavy. I hear Matts voice break through the static in my ears, but my eyes keep closing, and I can’t find him.“Why, Matt? When did he stop loving me and start hating me?”I hear someone sobbing, but I can’t keep my eyes open to find them. “Why did he want me dead? He broke us, Matt.”

My pain from that day and the destruction of my life shatters over me again and again. A blackness is quickly taking over and I welcome it. I feel my body get heavier. I can hear Matt, but he sounds so far away. I can hear that woman sobbing again, but I don't have it in me to reach out and help her. I can hear the breaking of her soul, and it crushes me. It crushes me and drags me into oblivion.

Iwake up in my bed, unsure how I got here. It's dark outside.“You’re awake?”

I roll over and see Matt lying next to me.“I think so. But you being in bed with me is new, so maybe I'm still dreaming?”

“You’re awake,”he grumbles as he sits up and grabs a bottle of water, handing it to me.“Drink that,”he commands. I pull myself up into a sitting position, my back against the headboard. My brain is fuzzy as hell, but it only takes a moment before it all starts coming back to me. I go to put the water bottle on the bedside table, but I miss the table and drop it on the floor. I scramble off the bed, falling on the floor, trying to get to the door.

“Ava,”Matt calls after me, but I’m already on my feet and heading down the stairs. Caden and Ben stand up as they hear me barreling down the steps.

Caden is on his feet and at the bottom before I reach the last one.

“Where is he?”Caden doesn’t answer; he watches me, looking to see if I’m okay.“Where is he?”I repeat, letting him know I want an answer.

“I’ll take you,”Caden says, taking my hand and leading me outside. He leads me toward the ocean, and then I see him. Declan is standing in the water, looking out at it. I shake my hand from Caden’s grasp and take off running.

I’m still wobbly on my legs, and I lose my footing in the sand as I run to him. My feet scramble under me, and I get back up.“Declan!”I shout. His head whips around when he hears me call him. His eyes find me, and he starts towards me. I crash into him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I don't know what happened. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”My hands are all over him, looking for any injury I might have caused. I see a shadow near his eye and reach up to touch it.“Oh fuck, I hit you.”I step back, looking at him and seeing where else I might've hurt him.“I hit you,”I repeat, but he stops me, careful not to grab me and instead taking my hand lightly in his.

“Ava, I’m ok. I’ve had way worse; I promise.”

“But I hurt you. I don’t understand what that was; I wasn’t even in control of myself.”

He intertwines our fingers and kisses my knuckles.“It's been five months since everything with Marcus happened?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”I answer.

“I’m going to go out on a limb and use my big doctor brain and say you never really dealt with any of the emotional fallout from it?”Declan says.

I don't respond immediately, giving him a look as if I don’t understand.

Declan shakes his head at me,“Everything that happened to you that day was both physically and mentally traumatizing. I understand that you think you’re above dealing with trauma, but your mind didn’t feel the same. So many thingshappened to you that day, and you couldn’t stop to process any of it because you were fleeing for your life.”He brings our entwined hands to his mouth, ghosting his lips across my knuckles.“All of it–the stress of the actual getaway, the stress of starting over and constantly monitoring that he hasn’t found you, me showing up here and dropping my bombshell on you, the stress of saving that little boy, you and I getting physical–it all just finally broke the dam.”

“One minute, you were inside me, and I was there with you, and then I was back in that day. You were Jake, but I knew you were also Declan. It was like both things were happening at the same time. I couldn’t separate the past from the present. None of it made any sense. It was a jumble of pain and confusion. Then you touched the scar on my side. You ran your fingers along it; it was too much.”

Declan nods his head, not pushing or asking any more questions.

“You’ll be fine, Ava. Your brain just forced your hand. It said,‘no more stress or hurt’until you acknowledge the past ones.”

“I guess I need to work through a few things,”I say with a chuckle.“I'm tired.”

“Of course. I’ll walk you back, then be on my way.”

“Could you stay?”

He looks over at me.“I can stay.”

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