Page 30 of Wishes for August

“It’s beautiful,” he said. “Everything is so big here, it feels so much bigger and imposing than London. But I love it. I love thecrowds and the enormity of it all.” We’d reached the zoo located in one corner of the park.

“Want to go to the zoo?” I asked him, aiming a smile his way.

He arched one incredulous brow my way, “You’re serious?”

“Completely,” I answered. “They have snow leopards if that helps?”

“Why would you think snow leopards would sway my decision?” he asked me, a smile starting on his gorgeous, flushed, face.

“I don’t know, you just seem like a snow leopard kind of guy. Strong, elusive and incredibly beautiful. Not to forget dangerous.”

“You think I’m dangerous?” he asked, his one eyebrow raised. “Do I scare you, Caleb?” he joked.

“That’s what you took from what I said? Skipped over the beautiful part?”

August laughed then, his smile lighting up his features, igniting a fire inside me. It wasn’t something he shared often with the world so when it was aimed at me, I held onto it and treasured it.

You are one ridiculous man,” he said to me, laughter in his voice.

We decided against visiting the zoo and instead continued on through the park joking and laughing.

A short while later, we reached Strawberry Fields, a quiet area within the park comprised of elm trees and various shrubs and flowers. The area was a memorial to the late John Lennon and August paused a while to look at the iconic Imagine mosaic along the path.

“My mum loved the Beatles,” he said quietly, his eyes still on the mosaic which had colourful roses scattered over it. He didn’t often talk about his family and I knew it was a sore topic for him, so I appreciated him sharing this with me. “I remember how sheused to sing along to their songs while she was baking. She used to bake the best shortbread. She’d always make it for my school bake sales. Wrapped in small paper bags with blue bows - her favourite colour.”

His words faded off as he gave his head a shake and turned away from the memorial. I took two large steps and caught up to him, walking in sync as we took a right and headed deeper into the park, stopping to admire the fountain near Bethesda Terrace.

At one point, a young family crossed our paths, and I watched as August followed their movements, a wistful look on his face. A small child was being swung between her parents’ hands. She was giggling and shrieking each time they hoisted her in the air.

“Do you want that?” he asked me, using his chin to gesture to the family.

“Kids?” I asked and he nodded briefly. “Yeah, I want kids. I want the whole big wedding, white picket fence, two kids and a dog. I have for a long time. How about you?” I asked this last part hesitantly. This felt a bit like breaking our conditions - talking too personally - but we weren't talking about feelings so perhaps not.

I watched as August visibly deflated in front of me.

“No,” his words came out quietly. “I don’t think I’d be very good at it. So, it’s probably best if I don't have kids.”

He rubbed his hand over his sternum before noticing what he was doing and dropping it abruptly.

“Besides, I’m not made for relationships and that,” he gestured again to the family and gave a self-deprecating laugh. “That looks very much like a relationship to me.” He said that last bit with forced humour in his voice and I knew he was trying to convince himself more than me.

The air around him felt sad and the sudden ache in my chest had me taking his hand and pulling him towards me where I placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“You could have that August, I promise you.”

He looked at me then and I saw the flutter of hope cross his eyes briefly before his stare turned blank. He pulled his hand from mine and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah, maybe." August looked down at his watch. “Shall we go grab something to eat and then head back? We have an early start tomorrow for our flight.”

I knew he was shutting me out again. Things had taken a sudden turn and his defences were in place. But that didn’t bother me because at that moment, I knew I would do anything to prove to him that he could have that - love, laughter, a family - and that it would all be worth the risk of putting his heart on the line. I'd prove it to him.

Chapter 18

August

We picked up some pizzas on our way back to the hotel and then sat together in our suite to eat. Lounging beside me on the sofa while pulling pepperoni off his pizza, Caleb asked, “You seem to love cities, did you grow up in London?”

Swallowing a sip of soda, I shifted to face him. “No, I'm from a small town along the Cornish coast. I moved to London for uni and then stayed.

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