Page 53 of Wishes for August

Subject: Bennett Properties - Logo/Rebrand

One Attachment

It’s done! Look! What do you think?

Ruby thinks I’m amazing. She pretty much said as much.

It’s fucking brilliant right?

You can thank me later, you know how ;)

TTYL Boss Man

A

“C?” a voice came from my doorway, and I looked up to see Noel entering my office holding a cardboard tray with three cups of coffee on it. “So funny story,” he said. “I brought a coffee for August but imagine my surprise when I come in today to be told by your lovely PA that he’s on a long term break. Care to explain why the design lead of this very important project is suddenly on leave in the run up to our big relaunch?”

“Why are you even in the UK?” I asked, and he chuckled.

“I have a thing, now stop trying to change the subject, where is August?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, accepting the cup of coffee Noel handed me with a nod.

“What do you mean you don’t know? He’s your boyfriend.”

“He’s not. And before you ask, no I don’t want to talk about it.”

Noel took the seat opposite me, crossing his legs and bringing his coffee to his lips. “Tough, you look like shit, and I’ve beenin here five minutes already and you haven’t smiled once. It’s unnerving. I think talking about it will be good for you. I am also nosey as fuck.”

“You think wrong Bennett. Talking about it won’t do me any good because it won’t change an absolute thing.”

“So, it’s really over? There’s nothing you can do to fix things? I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but it’s not like you to just give up,” Noel said, his tone sincere. But his sincerity angered me. Obviously I had tried, did he really think I’d give up on August so easily?

“You don’t think I’ve tried?” I snapped. “I have left him dozens of messages, sent him text after text just trying to get him to talk to me. I’m not giving up. I just don’t know what else to do right now. I’m angry and I’m sad and I just want to fucking explode and yell and…. Fuck, I just want to see him.” I dropped my head to my desk and sighed.

“Woah C, okay, I’m sorry. But I’m serious, I am here if you need to talk or yell.”

I didn’t look up when I heard Noel walk out the office, the sound of his footsteps fading into the distance. I’d email him later and let him know Ruby had taken over from August in the interim. He may be my friend but he was still our biggest client. Thankfully she had picked up where August left off as soon as he called in sick.

I pulled out my phone to send August a text. I’d taken to doing this throughout the day. A part of me felt that if I kept reminding him that he meant the world to me, he'd take me back. The other part of me knew I was only doing it because I didn’t have it in me to let go.

How do you let go of the love of your life?

If only I could get him to understand that baby or no baby, I wanted him now, and always. Every single part - the confident and self-assured parts and the parts where his insecurities lived.I wanted to hold his hand at concerts and eat spaghetti with him in hidden Italian restaurants. To fill my days with his steely glares and dry humour. I wanted him - stubborn heart and filthy mouth and sweet, shy smiles - all of it.

I scrolled back through the messages I had sent him, reading each one and wondering if he’d read them and if he felt my love through every word.

ME:

I miss you sweetheart. So bloody much.

Hamlet misses you too. He doesn’t like when it’s just me walking him now. Please come back.

Please.

I typed another text -

I love you.

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