Page 25 of Wishes for August

“What about him?” he asked, his head cocked to the side.

“He seems… interesting. Determined. The kind of guy who is not afraid to say what he wants and then go for it. He makes things happen. I imagine that’s a big turn on for some people.”

“But not for you?” Caleb asked.

I didn’t say that,” I replied, my lips twitching as I took in his frown.

“Is it?” Caleb asked with a small growl. This was too easy and far too much fun.

“Is it what?” I asked, feigning innocence, resting comfortably against the back of my chair. I licked my lips and followed his eyes as they zeroed in on the movement.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake August! You know exactly what I’m asking, but I will play along. Are you attracted to Noel?” his voice had risen and he looked quickly around the restaurant to make sure no one had noticed his little outburst.

Ding, ding, button well and truly pushed. Hello Caveman Caleb.

“No Caleb,” I grinned. “I have no interest in Noel. It was just an observation.”

“Right,” he huffed, clearly not quite believing me though I did notice his shoulders loosen as he settled back against his seat. I shook my head at him, my grin not slipping.

Our food arrived then and we fell into a comfortable silence while we ate. I looked around the restaurant, taking in the old photos on the wall and the fairy lights sparkling against the green trellis running along one wall.

“Did you decide what to do about your father in the end?” Caleb asked, pulling me away from my perusal of our surroundings. I felt that all too familiar restlessness start - theone that made itself known whenever the topic of family came up. It was like my hackles were rising, causing me to feel on edge and I wiped my hand across the back of my neck to try and soothe the feeling.

“Umm, no. Not really. My father has messaged me a few more times. He wants to know if I have given any more thought to meeting my half brother - Declan. He’s thirteen and, while doing a school project on family trees, he found a photo of me in a box my dad had tucked away. He’s been begging my dad to arrange a meeting. I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulders.

Caleb gave a quiet, contemplative hum but didn’t say anything more. He was giving me space to talk so I took the opportunity to carry on.

“It’s funny, because when I was younger, I wished so many times that my parents would give me a sibling.” I huff. “I guess I kind of got my wish, only I never thought it would be at such a cost. When my father left, my mother did too, emotionally anyway. I watched her pull away from me and she just stopped being my parent. I haven’t decided what to do because when I think about my father, I feel so angry. His leaving shaped my life, my whole fucking outlook on things. He left me jaded.” I shook my head. “It’s stupid really. It was so long ago. I know I should just get over it.”

Caleb’s eyes met my own. They were soft and warm, and while I expected to see pity in them, I couldn't see a trace of it. Caleb didn’t pity me and for that I was thankful. He placed his hand on top of mine.

“It’s okay to be angry, August. It’s okay to feel disappointed. Your parents let you down. None of that is your fault and it’s okay to feel however you do about it.”

This man. This fucking man. Why was he so perfect?

I swallowed hard, feeling vulnerable as he watched me silently. Sometimes I felt so silly for harbouring all these feelings abouta time so far in my past, so while I didn’t need his validation, I appreciated it.

“Thank you.” His hand came to rest over mine. I made no move to pull away, and neither did he. I liked the way it felt. Comforting. Protective. Safe.

“I’m glad we’re friends, August,” Caleb said, his hand still tracing circles over the back of my own.

Friends.The word sucker punched me in the gut.

This is what you wanted,I reminded myself.

Chapter 15

Caleb

After a great meal, we strolled around for another hour or so before making our way back to the hotel. The air was chilly as to be expected for November in New York City and we'd walked closely together along the pavements, weaving our way up and down different avenues. August was quiet while we walked around and more so on the cab ride back and I couldn’t help but think I had said something wrong. Though I didn't fail to notice he kept one leg right against mine in the taxi, like touching me was giving him something, comfort maybe. I'd come to realise that sometimes August spoke more with his body than with his words.

A little while later, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. I felt restless and uncomfortable. I tossed and turned this way and that, shaking out my pillow and doing everything I could tosettle down. But my attempts were useless. Something August had said at dinner was playing on my mind.

The kind of guy who is not afraid to say what he wants and then go for it.

That’s what he’d said about Noel and I wondered if he’d been implying something when he said it. August had been the instigator and the dominant in both of our encounters but maybe he wanted someone to make the first move. Maybe he needed someone to show him he was wanted. Craved. Adored. Worth the risk.

Friends with benefits.

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