Page 146 of PS: I Hate You

“Look at me, Maddie.”

With more effort than it should require, I force my head up as far as his nose. It’s all I can manage. He doesn’t push for more.

“Do you want to read the letter?”

I shake my head. I can barely breathe, let alone read.

“Okay.” He rubs my shoulders. “Do you want me to read it?”

Yes! I want more of Josh!

No! We must keep him forever!

Yes…no…yes…no…

The internal argument goes on and on until I give a quick jerk of my head that’s almost a nod. Enough of one that Dom slips his hand into his jacket and pulls out the envelope. The tearing sounds overly loud on the vast landscape.

He clears his throat.

I try to inhale but only manage a thin stream of air.

Dear Maddie and Dom,

This is the goodbye letter.

Pain. Sharp and jagged. A rusty serrated knife piercing my heart and lungs all in one go.

I think you two were meant for each other.

Dom stumbles over the words, seemingly shocked by them. I might have been, too, if all my capacity for feeling wasn’t overwhelmed by panic.

He clears his throat again.

Don’t give up on that.

Love you both forever,

Josh

He stops reading.

No. He doesn’tstop.

Hefinishes.

He’s done.

That was all.

My brother is gone.

Forever.

Gone.

I stop breathing.

“Maddie!” Dom’s roar is barely louder than the pounding of my own heartbeat in my ears. My eyesight flickers from glorious white to black.

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