Page 19 of Shadow Seeking

“I’m sorry—let me?—”

But he couldn’t even get the words out, because at that moment, I swiped at him, clawing him from face to chest, and he began to bleed, the long gashes spurting like a fountain. I stared at the blood, mesmerized by the sound as it spattered out of the man’s body. The fascination turned to joy and I threw my head back and laughed, rolling off him even as I clawed him again, from throat to groin. The delight of hearing him shriek made me laugh, and I leaned down to take a slow, long lick of the blood from his shirt.

But the taste startled me, and as swiftly as the anger came, it vanished. I leaped to my feet, stumbling back. As I stared at the body, I realized that he was bleeding out. Even though he’d been about to rape me, the thought that I’d caused so much damage without a single hesitation threw me into a panic. Confused, I turned, trying to see if anybody had seen what I’d done.

The white dog was still there, though now he looked less like a dog and I realized that it was no dog, but a wolf. I panickedagain, turning to look at my attacker. He was still, blood pooling around him. I’d killed him, and to my horror, I didn’t feel any remorse, only fear over being caught. Whatdidfrighten me was how it had happened.

I looked down at my shirt. I was covered in blood. I couldn’t go running on the streets like this. I sank down to my knees, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do.

“Here, let me help you.”

The voice startled the hell out of me. I looked up to see a man standing beside me. He was wearing an outfit that was meant to be noticed, and his hair was shaggy platinum blonde. But his eyes—they looked familiar. And then, I noticed the wolf was gone, and the man’s eyes were those of the wolf’s.

“Who are you?” I leaned back, terrified.

“My name is Dante. I saw what happened—if you’ll let me help you, I’ll get you away before someone finds him.” He held out his hand.

I stared at his hand for a moment, but nothing inside told me to run. In fact, a little voice whispered this was the one way to save myself. I worried my lip, then reached out and he pulled me to my feet.

“Come on,” he said. “This way.” He turned and began to lope the other way, toward the other end of the park. I followed him, not knowing that I was making one of the best decisions of my life. We slid through the side entrance and he took me on a labyrinthine route through the alleyways. Finally, we came to an apartment building that didn’t have a doorman, but it was in a safer part of the city. We hadn’t spoken a word, I’d followed him, going on instinct.

As we took the stairs to the fifth floor, he glanced back at me. “Do you trust me?”

I held his gaze, then shrugged. “I think so,” I whispered.

“Then stay with me while you figure out your next steps in life. But you have to make me a promise.”

“What’s that?” I asked, expecting him to insist that I sleep with him.

But all he said was, “If you feel that rage coming on again, you’ll tell me first. For now, come on in, take a shower, and I’ll get you something to eat and some fresh clothes.

And that was how I met Dante, and how he saved me from the demonic side of myself that I now realized was a very dark genie in a bottle.

I finished makingthe sandwiches and we carried the food over to the table. As we dug into the soup and sandwiches, I said, “So, you think I’m afraid I’ll hurt someone I care about.”

“I think that’s exactly why you armor up. I think you’re afraid if you let down your guard, it will also let down the guard to that demon you keep locked away.” Dante sprinkled salt and pepper into his soup.

“Then why did I let you and Penn in?” I asked, willing to accept his explanation but still unsure of the factors surrounding the theory.

“I was there from the start—from the night you discovered your inner demon. Penn was there the second time, the night you went after Jace. She’s the one who stopped you then. We’re the gatekeepers, in a way—or I think your subconscious sees us as that. We were the two people in the world able to keep you from giving in to the darker side of your lineage.”

“You’re bothsafe. I think I see you both as being able to calm her, if she raises her frightful head again,” I said, quietly sorting out the thoughts in my head. “But in the meanwhile, I’ve keptpeople at arms length. I don’t date, I don’t hang out much with anybody…”

“Yeah, and you’re losing a lot in your life, though that’s simply my opinion.” He shrugged, smiling. “I don’t think you realize that you might be able to harness the power, to use it for good. Hell, we’ve had a few cases where it would have come in handy, especially if you can figure out all that it entails.”

I thought about it for a moment, then said, “I’dliketo know more about my heritage. I’d like to know what kind of demon my father was. It would be nice to know how to summon parts of that strength without the blind rage.”

“I’ve been thinking. If Angela knows anything about demonology like her sister, maybe she can help. It’s worth considering.” Dante reached out and took my hand. “Hey, gorgeous, you know I’ll always be here for you. And so will Penn. Whatever you decide—whether it’s to pin that inner demon to the wall forever, or to find a way to make peace with it—we’re here for you.”

I smiled. “I know. I think every time I’ve been close to facing the loneliness in my life, that fear of what I can become rears up and rams the feeling back into submission. But with Penn moving in, it’s forced me to face how isolated I have become. Penn’s going to see me day and night, at my best and—well, I hope not at my worst. I’m afraid.”

“Penn saw your demon at one point. Remember that. And she was able to help you walk it back. You’re not going to hurt her.”

I nodded, reaching for another sandwich. “I hope you’re right about that.”

“I am, you’ll see.” Dante served himself more soup.

As we silently finished our dinner, I tried to examine the memories of what it had been like to be out of control—the twotimes I gave in and let go of the fear. But the memories were strong, and the fear I had now, was very real.

---