Page 32 of Minus

“But you two were leaving so soon?”

“I was getting a headache,” I cut in.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Viper said. “Can I get anything for you?”

“Nah, I’ll be alright once I get outta here. I think the combination of shitty music, bright lights, and the stench of Drakar Noir mixed with stripper cooz doesn’t agree with m—”

“You, I recognize from around town,” Viper interrupted, pointing at Clutch before turning his attention back to me. “But you, I don’t know.”

“Well, my name is Minus, and I’m a Sagittarius. I enjoy long walks on the beach, going to the theater, and knowing what the fuck is going on around here.”

“You are funny guys. You two should do a podcast or something. Don’t you think so, Crush?”

Mexican Hulk nodded but remained expressionless.

Viper continued, “I have a great sense of humor, too, but I also know when to be serious. I wonder if you gentlemen know when it’s time to get serious?”

Clutch puffed his chest out. “Oh, I can be serious as a fucking heart-attack, muchacho.”

“What my associate Mr. Clutch means is, we can talk business, if business is the topic of discussion.”

Viper smiled. “I’m glad to hear that, because I wasn’t sure if what you saw earlier impressed upon you just how serious of a man I can be.”

“And exactly what was it that we were meant to have seen?” I asked.

“That was a de-patching party,” Viper said. “Do either of you gentlemen speak Spanish?”

“No comprendo, friend-o,” Clutch replied.

I cut in. “Aw, man. That was a missed opportunity right there. You know amigo is Spanish for friend, right?” I asked Clutch.

“So?”

“So…you could have said, “No comprendo, amigo,” and it still would have rhymed.”

“As I was saying,” Viper said, clearly irritated. “That man’s name isLoro, which means parrot in Spanish. He’s called that because of his many colorful tattoos. Little did I know, just like a fucking parrot, he had a habit of repeatingthings that were told to him. So, tonight I removed some of his feathers, one-by-one, and I’ll continue to do so until every trace of my club is gone from his worthless body.” He shrugged. “It might take days. Loro has a lot of feathers.”

“So, what’s your little tattoo removal service got to do with us?” I asked.

“Apparently one of the people Loro flapped his beak to on a regular basis was a garage owner named Phil Blondino.”

“So?”

“So, Mr. Minus—”

“Just Minus,” I said.

“And why do they call you that?”

“Because I’m good at subtraction.”

“Interesting that you should say that, because shortly after Loro last spoke with Phil, two members of the Burning Saints visited him.”

“So, what?”

“Well, since then no one has heard from Phil, or been able to locate him. Now two Burning Saints show up in my club. Maybe the same two Burning Saints for all I know.”

“So, are we putting that information in the funny or the serious column?” I asked, remaining unfazed.

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