Page 83 of Rules of Engagement

Chapter Eighteen

I fell to the thinly-carpeted floor with a loud thud. "Gah!" I groaned.

On the couch, Maddox was silent. The living room was dark, with shadows alternating like thin shafts of amber street light. Strange shapes occupied strange corners. Where was I? More importantly, what was I doing?

"Lexi?" said Maddox, his voice muffled with sleep. "Were we... did we...?"

Images flooded my brain. His lips were on mine, his arms were tightly around me. Feelings that had long been dormant suddenly emerged and took over. My hands were under his shirt, running over his hard chest. Someone had been working out. No, wait, that wasn't what I was supposed to be thinking! "Uh-huh," I whispered.

"Oh. Oh!" I felt him shift his position on the couch, and his breathing sounded labored. "I didn't mean... I think, I didn't mean... Maybe, I..."

"We were half asleep," I said. Guilt coursed through me.

"Parts of me feel very awake." I began to move and Maddox reached out for me, catching me by the arm. "Stay on the floor for a minute," he said. "If you're next to me, I might forget all about things we shouldn't do and remind us why we should be doing those things again."

"We can't," I choked.

"We can't," he agreed. "I don't want to be that man and you don't want to be that woman. That is, I do want to be that man, but not in that way. I think I'll shut up now."

"Uh-huh," I said, unable to think of anything better to say.

After a couple long minutes, Maddox shifted again and sat up, his feet landing next to me. I wondered when he’d taken his shoes off. "I'm awake now," he said. "I can't apologize."

I turned to see him, finding the whites of his eyes in the gloom. "I don't expect you to! Should I apologize?"

"Nope." He paused, then said, "Not gonna lie, that was a very nice way to wake up."

"I have a fiancé lying in the hospital in a coma," I said softly as I landed my face in my palms.

"I have an ex-girlfriend with a fiancé in a coma," said Maddox. "And there's someone. Maybe a someone. I don't know."

"We're bad people," I mumbled into my palms.

"We're not bad people. It wasn't a mistake, but totally accidental."

"Accidents are tripping over or... or..." Accidents didn't involve lips and hands.

"Don't beat yourself up, Lexi. It happened. It doesn't have to leave this room."

Guilt filled me. He was right; it was an accident. We were two people who loved each other, abruptly ended our relationship, and in time, we fell out of love. Hadn't we? Since that time, we developed a strong and solid friendship of mutual trust, respect and affection. After waking up next to each other, our automatic reaction was to kiss and touch. Nothing I could say or think took away the confusion or guilt I felt. I wasn't even sure I could blame it on the torment of being so afraid for Solomon, and for me. I shouldn't have sleepily taken comfort from Maddox. At least, we were fully awake and we stopped before we both did something we regretted, because that was something I could never forgive myself for.

"Tell me about this maybe someone," I said.

"Not much to tell."

"Tell me anyway."

Maddox slipped off the couch and landed next to me. We were inches apart but not touching. I could still feel his warmth and his cologne was comfortingly familiar. A memory of him purchasing it rushed into my head. "I met her a long time ago but she just came back into my life," he began. "I met her in school actually, when I was sixteen. There's a chance she could be something more now but I haven't been able to commit to the idea yet."

"Because of me?" I wondered, then realized I said it out loud.

Maddox nodded. "Because of you is part of it, but now, I think, maybe I should give it a shot. You're never coming back to me, not while you still have Solomon," he said. I was surprised he didn't sound sad, but I sensed an odd resignation in his voice.

"Don't make her your second place girl," I said, feeling guilty and wondering if I had any right to say anything. If I were the girl, I'd kick my ass.

"Not second place. More like second chance." Maddox paused. He lifted his arm and ran a hand through his hair, his face still in shadows. I wished I knew what he was thinking. I wished I could turn back time and never hurt him. And I wished he wasn't telling me all this stuff. "Solomon was right to send you to me. I will always be here for you, you know that. He knows that. If something happened to him, you and I..."

"I would never make you the second place guy," I said softly in the dark.

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