Page 112 of Broken

Taking a seat at the end of my bed, the now unimportant bottle of pills dropped at my side, rolling off the edge of the bed to the floor. I let them go, something much more crucial in my hands.

My fingers shook with anticipation as they broke the envelope’s seal and pulled out the papers. It was a letter. One Daddy had written specifically for me. My eyes prickled as I began to read.

Happy Birthday, my sweet Isabel,

How does it feel to be eighteen? I’m sorry that I’ve missed it. That I’m missing out on so much of your life. You’ve been growing into such a beautiful young woman, someone who knows and owns herself for who she is, and I couldn’t be prouder of you for that. You and your sister both. You’ve both shown such maturity in all this mess, but you, my sweet girl, have that inner balance of peace and maturity in a way that your mom and sister don’t always understand. Theirs is different. Humor them a bit when they fight you on it. It’s there. Trust it.

You might like to know that we have that in common. Kindred souls, you and I. When I was your age, your grandma used to love to tell me I was too mature for my own good. She nearly had a fit when I ran off and married your mom barely a year after graduation, but I was ready. When I met her that spring break, I knew she was it, my forever, and nothing would have stopped me from making her mine. Your sister’s persistence comes from me, after all. The impatience? That’s your mom. But don’t tell her I said that.

Convincing her took time. I was still in school for carpentry, even though I’d been learning from your grandpa for years, and your mom? She was a bit older, which made her nervous, but as I’m sure you’ve noticed, she’s a lot like your sister…full of enthusiasm and always raring to go. As soon as she realized that we were the real deal, there was no stopping us. And we were blissfully happy when you and your sister came along right after we married.

You’ve got your mom’s drive, you know. The first time I saw you dance, baby girl, I knew you were something. I hope you never lose that part of yourself. Hold onto that passion. Keep what centers you close. Our little family was that for me.

I wonder if that special guy has stolen your heart yet, or maybe I should say if you’ve stolen his. If not, don’t worry. Be patient. The right guy is there. If he has, I hope he takes care of it. That he knows just how precious it is, how lucky he is that you chose him. I’m waiting on the other side to give him a piece of my mind if he doesn’t. Although, I’m sure Annie will take care of it long before I have the chance.

I wish I were there with you today to see the lovely young woman I know you’ve become, but I’ll always be there in your heart. I’m sorry that it has to be this way, but it’s how it’s supposed to happen. The parent goes before the child. Even if, in our case, it happened too soon.

But don’t think I didn’t think ahead, being mature beyond my years and all that. Your mother and I were smart. We had life insurance for ourselves, not wanting to leave the other one stranded if something ever did happen. I can leave comfortably knowing that she has enough to get by without me.

What she doesn’t know is that I took it one step further. I wanted to make sure that our children had enough for what they needed too without putting that burden solely on her.

Each of you has an account from a term life insurance policy I set up that you’ll only now be able to gain access to at eighteen. Whether or not that’s on your birthday, I’ve left it up to your grandpa. He’ll judge if you’re ready for it, but don’t worry. The latest you’ll receive it is your graduation from high school, conditional upon some kind of plans for school or a career.

Beyond that, the money is yours to use as you see fit. All I ask is that you use it wisely. We can still worry up here in heaven, you know.

I’m always watching out for you. I’m so proud of you. I love you. I miss you.

Love,

Daddy

P.S. Don’t forget to dance.

Tears were flooding my eyes by the end of the letter, and I swiped them angrily away. I was sosickof crying. But the irony in my dad’s letter was both sickening and infuriating, and the numbness I had become dependent on evaded me entirely now. It should have been the best thing I’d ever read in my life, and a month ago, it would’ve been. But now, it felt like what he’d written out of love was being thrown in my face like a cruel joke.

The letter was meant to make everything okay, but it didn’t help one single, damn thing that had gone wrong. My world was in shreds, completely irreparable.

Restlessness struck me then that I couldn’t shake away, and suddenly, I didn’t want to be here anymore…Not on this bed, not in this room, not in this house. Not anywhere near here.

Jumping up and ignoring the rush of pain it sent through my head, I grabbed the first right-footed shoe I could find and shoved it on my foot.

I reached for my keys, and the bulky boot smacked into Daddy’s dresser, leaving a scratch in the varnish. I cursed as the pain shot up through my leg and glared at the dresser. Its very presence at that moment was infuriating. It was just a vain representation of my father. Giving it such significance all these years was ridiculous. Inanimate objects didn’t compare to the real thing.

I grabbed the dresser and kicked hard, again and again, relishing the agony in my leg, frustration and fury rolling through me I couldn’t control. When I was satisfied with all of the damage, I grabbed onto the drawers, yanking them from their place one by one as my casted arm screamed in protest. I didn’t care. I deserved all of it, every ounce of pain, and I flung each drawer into the dull purple I’d stared at for days, creating several gaping holes in the wall.

I’d hoped it all would’ve extinguished the raging energy now coursing through my veins, but it only fueled it more. Standingstill was unbearable, but I couldn’t breathe. Desperate to calm myself, for air, I rubbed at my sore ribs, my eyes flitting wildly around the room. They landed on a picture on the dresser. My favorite couple picture of Tucker and I one day at the beach, blissfully happy and in love.Beforewe knew about the baby and our lives being thrown upside down.

I scowled at the happy couple and threw it into the wall, the glass shattering around the room like my broken heart. Becausethatinanimate object was even worse. Mocking me.

Tucker didn’t want me now. All of his promises and I love you’s no longer mattered because the fact was that his retraction was completely, excruciatingly, and devastatingly deserved.

The restlessness resurfaced, and I grabbed my keys, bolting from the room to run dangerously fast down the stairs as I fled for my decrepit truck, not even slowing to shut the front door behind me.

The truck’s cab shook violently under me in the cold weather as it groaned to life, and I threw it into reverse, backing from the driveway to speed off down the street as fast as the ancient Ford would allow. Not caring where I was going, as long as it was away.

Chapter 30

ANNIE

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