Page 7 of Naughty Elf: Shimmersnap

Was this what loneliness did to a person?

I didn’t really care. Maybe the elf was lonely, and I was helping him out.

So, I sat watching Christmas movies with an elf figurine. He really needed a name. Something that matched his sparkle.

I hadn’t even realized that I had dozed off when my phone rang. The credits to the movieElfwere playing, and I still had the figurine in my hand.

Good golly, if my friends could see me now, they’d be glad they didn’t invite me on a cruise.

I found my phone and answered it. “Hello?”

“Walter, hey, I just wanted to give you a heads up,” my boss, Jim’s voice came from the other end.

“Heads up about what?” I said. If it was work-related, that couldn’t be good. I really didn’t want to deal with work.

“I didn’t realize this was happening. I’m not even sure it was in the plans, but—”

“But what? Layoffs? New account? What is it?”

“No, no. Nothing that bad. I mean, it’s a good thing, really.”

If it was so good, I doubted he’d bother calling me at nine in the evening to warn me.

“You have a new assistant starting Monday.”

“What?” I was one of the only senior accountants in the firm that didn’t have an assistant, and for good reason. I could manage my work on my own. I didn’t need anyone poking around in my files, popping their head into my office and bothering me. I managed just fine on my own, better even, since I didn’t have to babysit anyone. I didn’t like to have anyone assisting me. We’d tried it before. “Is this really the best idea? I’m going to be a dick to the poor kid, and they’re going to quit.” Great. I was going to hurt some poor kid’s feelings, and he was probably going to cry. I hated when they cried. Almost as much as I hated when they messed up my work.

“Hey, it came from upper management. There’s nothing I can do.”

I groaned. “Thanks for the heads up,” I said. “See you Monday.”

“Bye.”

Maybe it was time for me to turn over a new leaf.

It wasn’t like I meant to be rude to the assistants in the past. They fucked up my work and made it twice as hard. There was no room for error in what I did.

I picked up the elf figurine and placed it back on the mantle.

“Maybe you should be my assistant. You haven’t complained about me at all since you got here.”

Chapter 5

Shimmersnap

I snapped a photo of myself—pursed lips and all—and sent it to Dancer. I expected a text message back saying something like “Good luck, have a great day!” or “You’ll do awesome.” Instead, my phone rang.

The noise startled me, and I fumbled with the phone in my hands, tossing it around like it was a hot potato before finally being able to hold it still long enough to answer. I wasn’t used to the idea of human devices, but being that I was gainfully employed now, it was a necessity. How else was Walter going toget a hold of me when he was in dire need of his assistant? I needed to be accessible, but not magically accessible.

Or, better yet, how else was he going to call to ask me on a date?

“Hello?” I answered.

“You can’t wear that to a professional office.”

I looked down at myself. I was wearing a pair of new blue slacks that were tight, but they accentuated my features the best, especially my bubble butt. And I had on a crisp white shirt that had just a hint of sparkle to it—you could barely notice it. Then there was my tie. The entire thing was coated in sparkle. I had been shocked that such a thing existed, but I had been oh so pleased that I bought one in every color—there were two shades of purple! Now, my whole wardrobe was set.

“What do you mean I can’t wear this?” All the shows had office guys wearing suits or what the humans called “business casual.” This was business casual. I looked just like the guys in watch or cologne ads.

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