Page 51 of In the Grey of Dawn

I wasn't ... I wasn’t raped.I'm okay.

Deep breath. Keep breathing. Just keep breathing.

“I’m okay,” I say, my voice is wobbly and I'm not sure if it's a question or a statement, but I'm okay. Climbing onto Porter's lap I wrap my arms around him, anchoring myself to his body.

My saviour.

My salvation.

I pull him as close and as tight as I can, breathing in everything he is, keeping me centred, keeping me safe.

“Porter? Thank you for saving me … I love you,” I whisper into his neck. My words are muffled and broken as I try to get them out. I'm not entirely sure if he heard them or if I imagined his body tense then relax moments later. I didn't expect to say that, to tell him that but the words fell out. Tarnished by thewhat ifof the night before.

What ifhe wasn't there?

What ifI was alone?

What if the bad man won?

My sobs escape me without restraint as I let myself succumb to the moment. Let myself be saved by my hero.

???

“Are you positive you're fine?” Nova says as she gives me another hug.

It's been over 24 hours since everything happened and I'm starting to feel lighter about it all. The more time I have to process it the better I feel. I don't know if Porter is coping though. He's pulled away from me and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if I’ve done something or if he's been triggered by what happened, he won't talk to me.

I told him I loved him and he pulled away from me.

Is this the moment that everything comes crumbling down? The moment our bubble bursts and the brutal reality of life has brought him back to the fact that maybe he never wantedmore than a fling to begin with. Maybe this was all it was ever meant to be.

“I promise I’m okay. Porter has been amazing with everything but … but he seems different now,” I say trying to think of the right words to explain what I'm feeling but not quite finding them.

“I think he's pulling away from me,” I whisper, looking over to where Porter and Ace are standing in the kitchen.

They have Dante on speakerphone and are discussing everything that happened. He won't tell me what Hades did to the three guys though. I remember him talking to the shadow man, and I remember being on my phone waiting for him to return before that guy started bothering me, but everything after that is empty. A moment in time seemingly lost forever. He only says that I will never need to worry about him again which causes me to spiral even more about what happened.

Did Porter kill the man who drugged me? Did Hades?

Am I okay with it?

I question myself over and over on these simple points. Does the idea of Porter killing someone bad to save me make me upset? Does it make me not want him? Does it change the idea of who he is to me?

I don't know if I'm scared of my answer because the longer I think about these questions the moreI amokay with it. The more I'm okay knowing he is capable of those things.

“Believe it or not I think I understand. When Ace and I met, he internalised a few things when he had a run in with my parents. They’re not good people and I think he struggled with the idea of anyone hurting me more than I already was at that time. Men are just as complex as we are and something I don't think we realise is that for as much as we are different, we are still the same. We all want security, belonging and to keep our loved ones safe. I don't know much about who Porter was beforehe moved here but when Ace and I talked about it, he said there was a rumour his girlfriend was killed and that changed him somehow. He already had a reputation but the things he did were apparently so bad the news stopped reporting the crimes to not cause distress to the general public.”

She is so matter of fact about what she's saying that I relish the calm delivery of it all. He has hinted at a few things during our time together but to hear someone tell me, even a version of the truth, makes me understand where he's coming from that much more.

“Hey, love, you ready to hit the road soon?” Ace calls out from the kitchen causing Nova to blush almost instantly as I grin at her reaction. I can not for the life of me figure out why they haven’t gotten together yet.

“Oh, I haven't even asked about your sister. Did everything get sorted with your mum?” I ask, as we get up from the couch and move toward the door.

“Yeah, it's fine now. Just the politics of my family. They’re not the easiest of people,” she says and a low growl comes from Ace as she rolls her eyes at him. “They do the best they can with what they know.” Her words are so soft I can tell it's a sore spot for both of them.

“I don't like it that you went there without me,” Ace rumbles. It's not often I see him hard like this. All manner of the fun, lighthearted guy gone in favour of Nova's silent protector. He's looking so intently at her that I almost want to turn away from the intimacy of it.

“Come on you big lug, how about I heat you up some takeaways from last night and we start another season ofSex and the City.”

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