Page 69 of In the Grey of Dawn

Continuing the life we barely started together so there's something for him to return to.

Chapter 42 - Charlie

Four months since that night

“Istill can't believe you had a boy,” I say to Mila, cooing to the most beautiful little guy I've ever seen.

Dante stands no less than a metre away from me,just in case. I keep telling him to back off and let me cuddle my nephew because we're almost basically related, just that pesky thing about genetics getting in the way, but he won't listen. So I just glare at him and let him stand uncomfortably close.

It's been a couple of months since little Henry James Carter came into the world and big Papa Bear Dante has been the most efficient man to ever become a father. Looking after Mila and Henry with military precision. I would say he's averaging four to six broken hours of sleep within a 24 hour period and is loving every minute of it.

“That's his poo face, I need to change him,” Dante says, reaching out his hands, gesturing to take a sleeping Henry from my arms.

“Nothing’s happened, he hasn't even grun — I spoke too soon.” As the loud violent eruption vibrates in my hands.

“I’ll never understand how something so small can make so much ... poo. Is it like that all the time?” I ask dumbfounded, as Dante takes Henry from my arms.

“Don't make me laugh,” Mila chuckles. “I can still feel my insides jiggle when I do. Whoever said childbirth was beautiful is a liar.”

“You did amazing, Mila. He’s perfect. It took nine months to grow him so let your body take as much time as it needs to heal. He’s utter perfection, just like his mama.”

Looking at my best friend while she rests in bed, I move across the room to sit with her and can't help the tears that well in my eyes. I am so happy for the life she’s made, for everything she’s overcome.

It’s so hard when you’re in the thick of it all, getting pulled into that pit of doom that you might never see the other side of it, but she did.

She has everything she could ever want and I'm so incredibly proud of her for fighting for it. Dante finished building their new house and had them moved in about a week before Henry was born and it's one of the most beautiful places to come and relax. The life they’ve created for themselves is simply magical and while I'm so incredibly happy for her, I’m still grieving the loss of my own love story. But, it does give me a spark of hope that if I keep doing what I’m doing, keep living for Porter and the life we could have when he wakes up, that maybe we could share in their joy with our own love story.

“How are you doing? Any update from Dimi?” she asks timidly, taking my hand and squeezing it.

“I feel good today, I promise.”

The words fall from my mouth as I give her a wonky smile, not willing to share my worries after everything she's been through.

So I do what I always do. I smile, say the right thing and tonight when I go home, back to our apartment I'll take a moment to cry for him. The only time I let my emotions out to an empty room, wishing today was the day he would walk through the door.

“Let's get this stuff ready for when Dante gets back,” I say, trying to keep my voice under control. “It will be easier to get Henry's handprint on the ink pad when he's nice and milk drunk so we’ll need to be quick.”

Attila's snout print no longer sits on her bedside table but hangs above it on the wall. An empty frame just below it, where Henry's newborn palm print will go. Mila wanted to make sure Attila was always looking over him, keeping him safe from his place in doggy heaven. When she told me her reasoning it took everything in me not to sob in her arms.

My emotions are hanging on by a tender hook these days just waiting for the next thing to push me over the edge, so I’ve never been more grateful when Dante yelled out, “It’s a Poonami,” from the other room, causing Mila and I to burst out laughing, giving me respite from having to confront my feelings.

Chapter 43 - Charlie

When the Party’s Over - Billie Eilish?

Six months since that night

Gods, I forgot how awful hospitals are. I can't remember what I ever liked about working here. There are way too many people. It's too loud, too bright and you bump into old creepy bosses that you’d rather not have to deal with. Why Dimi demanded to keep Porter at my old hospital is beyond me but he insisted that the specialist who is overseeing everything is comfortable here.

“Hi Alan, long time no see,” I say trying to be polite but not actually giving a fuck. I don't really owe him anything at this point as I have no intention of ever coming back here to work. That plan dried up along with everything else I thought was going to happen.

It's been six months to the day that Porter was airlifted here. Dimi is meant to update me if something major happens, otherwise, I told him he didn't need to call me every day because it was too overwhelming. I'd start to breathe and then be taken right back to that moment.

I've been building myself up to come back and see him. I even talked with a therapist and made a plan of attack. I have my coping strategies and I've taken my anxiety medication, but my palms are still sweaty and I feel nauseous. Twelve floors above me lies the only man to make me fall in love with him and I'm excited and scared all at the same time.

“Charlie,” he says, his eyes darting all over the place. “What are you doing here? Does Dimitriy, I mean Mr Sokolov know you're here?”

He seems more nervous than usual and it's throwing me off.

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