Page 104 of Live for Me

“I’m glad you brought it up because I didn’t have a fucking clue how to go about telling you that you look worse than I could’ve ever imagined,” he chuckled.

“Excuse me?”

“You look fucking terrible, sweetheart.”

“Thanks? Maybe I didn’t miss you anywhere near as much as I imagined I did.”

“What’s going on, Memphis? What’s ruining your world? Point me in the right direction. Tell me how to fix it.”

“I don’t even know if there’s anything to actuallydo. I think so much of it is in my own brain this time. Everything feels wrong and unpleasant, and I don’t know where I’m supposed to start in sorting through it.”

“You know, I told Triss once that I didn’t want to be the burden that she felt like she had to fix. I told her that I wasn’t her problem to solve. It took me a long fucking time to realize that trying to fix myself alone was half the problem. Doing it myself left her alone just as much as it left me alone. I wasn’t her problem to fix. The whole thing wasourproblem to find a way through together. Things didn’t start getting better until I just told her one night that it was Liz’s voice keeping me awake all night; that the reason I couldn’t function in that one restaurant that one time was because there was a toddler with blonde hair at the next table; that I want to hurt people when I hear children laugh now. But after that, I didn’t need a solution to those things on the spot. Sometimes, Triss had one. She could see things that might set me off before I was even looking, and she was ready to do something about it. And even when she didn’t have a solution, she was just there.”

Of all the ways that I’d imagined this conversation going with him, it hadn’t ever gone this way in my mind.

“You don’t have to talk about any of it to find answers, sweet pea. You can talk just so you’re not alone in it,” he offered once I stayed quiet for a little too long.

“I never thought I’d see the day when you pushed metowardUtah,” I laughed.

“I didn’t say a damn thing about that punk. I’m right here when you decide he’s useless and you want to tellmeabout it, Memphis.”

“He’s a really good guy, Jersey,” I said and couldn’t stop myself from smiling while Utah’s face flashed through my mind.

“If you say so,” he sighed. “Tell me what we’re doing about this trafficking situation.”

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

utah

“You finally went for it, huh?” Triss asked as soon as the door closed behind New Jersey.

Nosey bunch of hooligans around this house.

“How ya been, Retirement?” I asked instead.

“This is hardly a time to be talking about me,” she said with a laugh.

“Well, let’s not get carried away with that,” Indy said. “We canalwaystalk about your sex life too.”

She smiled at him before she hugged him. “I didn’t even realize how much I missed you.”

“Because he spent all his free time sending you creepy pictures of me? Felt like you were still here with us anyway?” I asked.

“I thought he didn’t know about that?” she whispered to Indy.

“Yeah. He kind of knows about the Utah Bible now too.”

“Does he?!” she squealed. “I’ve been dying to tell J about that.”

“I don’t actually know anything about that,” I said. “And I don’t know that I want to hear about it from either of you.”

“So, was it the bar night?” Triss asked.

“No.”

“Really? I would’ve bet money on that. When then?”

“Last night, for sure,” Indy said. “I don’t know that I’ll ever believe either of them about when it started. They were spending the out-of-town nights sneaking back and forth between rooms without bothering to say anything.”

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