Page 139 of Live for Me

He started to walk toward me until I was backing away from him. This was a super fucking weird conversation to try to have when I couldn’t see his face.

“Something you’d never think to say during sex unless youreallyneeded me to stop, but something you’d never forget in case you have to use it.”

I just stared at the holes where his eyes should’ve been.

“A word, baby. Now. Because telling me no and telling me to stop aren’t going to do you much good in a few minutes.”

“Jersey,” I whispered.

Something I wouldn’t say during sex unless I needed it to end.

Jersey.

He breathed in deeply, like oxygen was the only thing in the world that could prevent him from bursting into flame right then.

“Repeat it,” he said roughly.

“Jersey,” I whispered again, and then gulped.

“Remember it, Memphis.”

It dawned on me that he’d slipped this conversation into this specific moment to give me another minute to acknowledge that even if this was happening out here—in the dark, while he was in a mask, and I’d just spent an absurd amount of energy running from him—that this was still the same Utah underneath.

He started to back me toward the trees again.

“Wait,” I whimpered.

“No.”

“Please, Utah.”

“You already used thescared girlbit on me once to get away, baby. It won’t happen again. You know how to stop me.”

I almost smiled at how easily he’d caught on to what I thought I was doing, but his hand covered my mouth before I could.

“You might be smarter than me, angel,” he whispered and leaned down until his mask nearly touched my nose. “But Iknowwhich one of us is more fucked up, and you’re about to learn it too.”

The sudden lack of oxygen in the entire great outdoors was a fascinating side effect from those words.

Utah walked toward me until he’d backed me into a tree and then he took a step back. I should’ve taken that chance to run again, but I was wholly entranced by every move the man’s hands made while he unbuckled his belt. And then this terribly embarrassing squeak came out of me when he snapped the thing as he jerked it through the belt loops of his jeans. I slapped my own hand over my mouth in embarrassment, and that giant bitch of a man chuckled at me.

“No need to be quiet out here,” he said while he grabbed one of my hands to start wrapping his belt around my wrist. “I’m not really interested in how well you can hide the things that I do to you. I fucking love the way you say my name, sugar. But tonight, I want to hear you scream it. I don’t want you to drown it out, or bury it, or keep it hidden. Tonight, you’re going to come to life. You’re going to live for me, Memphis.”

He wrapped the belt around my wrists in this mesmerizing infinity shape before he tied the ends together, binding my hands in front of me. I stopped breathing entirely for a few seconds once I looked down at my wrists and it really hit me that I was unable to move them because a man intended to have sex with me.

“Remember your word,” he whispered.

I looked back up to the mask after that and found myself desperately wishing that I could see his eyes in that moment. How was it even possible that he could always know exactly what I needed when I needed it?

He waited just long enough to make sure I understood what he was really saying.

That moment was loosely translated to:I see your concern, Memphis, but if you don’t say that magic word, you’re about to get fucked within an inch of your life.

In an even more fucked up moment of total clarity, I stood there and nodded at the man.

Some part of him must’ve needed that tiny moment of consent too to be sure that I was still on board for this game because as soon as it happened, he turned the intensity right the fuck back up.

Utah immediately bent at the waist to put his shoulder in my stomach, and he hoisted me right off the ground.

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