Page 14 of Live for Me

I sure as fuck wasn’t any good at this. I spent way too much time thinking about everything.

Utah seemed like the kind of man who knew what he was doing with most things, though.

He seemed like the kind of man who’d quietly take me along with him to give me a chance to learn my own way through it with the knowledge that he’d be there if I needed to ask questions.

Because let’s be real. Ialwayshad questions and Ialwaysneeded explanations.

Much like I’d managed to dive right back into my own thoughts to extreme depths after I’djustasked him for his life story.

“If you’re asking me how I ended up with our organization, I don’t think I make the list of people who were wronged and had no other choice, angel,” he said. “There’s no elaborate, messed up story of secrets and lies that left me broken and desperate for work. It’s simpler than that. I’m a dangerous guy because I can decide to turn off my attachment to humanity when it’s necessary, and I’m not cocky about it, so I’m the safe bet.”

“But they would’ve found you somehow, right? They do the recruiting. I’ve never heard of an Executioner seeking out employment with them.”

“I feel like maybe youwantthere to be a story that connects me to them in this devastating way to make sure that I’m in this with you. But I just don’t have one, Memphis. I watched my dad kill my mom when I was eleven. That pissed me off pretty royally, so I killed him. Spent some time in baby jail for it because the state thought they had a chance at fixing me. Then I was in and out of group homes. I bounced from playing fake family to fake family with fosters for a minute, but nobody wanted to keep the scarred teenager who killed his own dad and had already experimented with every drug under the sun, so I didn’t ever really have a chance at being adopted. Then I aged out. I did some sketchy shit along the way to make things work out in my favor, and it didn’t take long before word got around to whoever does the recruiting.”

I couldn’t begin to guess how long I sat in that seat with my mouth hanging open like an insensitive bitch, but by the timeI realized it, the truck was parked in front of a hotel, and he was looking back at me.

“Sorry,” he said and chuckled. “Not really what you wanted to hear before spending a night away from home trapped in the same hotel with me, right?”

When he reached for the door handle to get out of the truck, I reached for the hand that he’d left on the center console, and I squeezed it in both of mine.

“You wanted to help the kids with anxiety,” I said quietly. “The others in the group homes with you?”

He only nodded his head.

He didn’t bother explaining because, like he’d already said, he wasn’t cocky. He wanted to help those kids, so he did. There was nothing to explain as far as he was concerned. He wasn’t interested in being credited for his good deeds.

“The scarred teenager,” I said even more quietly because I was painfully aware that he didn’t just mean the emotional ones. “The ones on your back? Your chest?”

He closed his eyes for a second that time. “Neither of my parents were good people, but they weren’t stupid. They knew better than to beat their child somewhere that a teacher might see the marks.”

“Utah —.”

“It’s okay, angel,” he interrupted and squeezed my hand. “I decided years ago to just accept it for what it was. And then to let it go. Once my parents were gone and I was on my own, thinking about it that way was the only chance I would ever have at being able to just be happy.”

“You were eleven.Eleven.”

He laughed gently. “I won’t hurt you, Memphis. I’ve already lived my crazy and rebellious years. I’m shockingly levelheaded now. You can be in this hotel and on this trip with meandstill be safe. All the dangerous pieces of me will only be used to protect you now.”

I still had so many questions. Still wanted so many explanations. I wanted every story of those years.

Something in the pit of my stomach, where the most terrible feelings swirled to life, told me that there absolutely was a connection to his early years and our organization, but he wassofucking young.

When he forced his hand free from mine, I could only assume that meant he wasn’t particularly interested in diving further into this conversation just then. I grabbed my backpack from the backseat while he piled everything else from the truck bed on his shoulders. My body followed him into the hotel on autopilot.

I lived through some serious madness, but from what I remembered of them, my parents never even fought. They didn’t yell or get violent. There wasn’t a single mark on my body left there by my parents. I couldn’t even remember if they were the kind of people who believed in spanking kids, but something in me doubted it. Regardless, they damn sure didn’t murder each other in front of their children.

And he’d just fucking accepted that his life turned out that way and went on his way to findhappiness?

Hehadto be certifiable.

By the time I was paying attention again, Utah was holding a key card out in between our bodies.

“I’m in the one next door if you need anything,” he said.

I fucking nodded and watched him go to his own door.

Because I was certifiable myself.

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