Page 87 of Live for Me

I’d spent half my life reading smut. Fictional boyfriends said shit like that every other page. I never would’ve imagined in a million years that real men said such ridiculously dirty, over-the-top nonsense. I always assumed if I were in a position to hear something like that in real life, I would’ve laughed like a lunatic. Though now that it was actually happening, all I could do was close my eyes and lean my head back against Utah’s chest to let his filthy words drive me forward. His hand was so fucking big that I added my other hand on top of his just to be able to move his hand for him until his fingers were rubbing tiny circles on my clit. It wasn’t even close to enough. I was trying to move my hips into his hand harder almost immediately.

He was somehow everywhere, though. He waseverything.I could feel his heart beating against my back. His labored breathing was directly in my ear. Every muscle in his body was tense with the amount of restraint it took him to just let me do this myself. I hadn’t even noticed that I’d moved both my legs so they were draped over each of his thighs, spreading myself nearly as wide as my hips would allow.

I was so fucking frustrated, though. I tried moving his hand back and forth, up and down, then went back to circling. It took no time at all when I did this alone, but I couldn’t make it happen with his hand.

“Utah,” I whined while I squirmed. “Can you?—”

“I absolutely fucking can,” he interrupted in a heartbeat. His hand broke free from mine the next second and came up to my mouth.

“Open,” he growled into my ear, sending goosebumps up all over my body. He tightened the arm that was around my chest until I opened my mouth, and he pushed his middle and ring fingers right down the middle of my tongue until I nearly gagged.

“Suck on them, Memphis,” he whispered against the side of my head. “Soak them.”

I realized I hadn’t actually done anything up to that point, aside from sit there with my fucking mouth open. I closed my lips on his fingers and sucked until I could feel my cheeks hollow out. I swirled my tongue over every inch of his skin that I could find. And he let out this tiny, pained exhale every time my tongue stud brushed across his fingers. I couldn’t even fathom why my heart was beating out of control by the time he’d slid his fingers back out of my mouth. He didn’t waste any time getting his very wet fingers back on my clit, and the contact had me arching my back in a matter of seconds. Both my hands moved to his thighs to dig my fingers into them, like I was afraid I might fall if I didn’t hold on with all the strength in my hands. I noticed the pressure on my chest lessened, but I didn’t realize why until his thumb from that hand was moving back and forth over my nipple and its piercing. I was still trying to grind my hips harder into his hand.

“Do you want more?” he whispered.

“Yes.” The word came out faster than I meant for it to. My brain hadn’t even had a whole second to process what he was really asking before my mouth decided for us. The flash of lightning through the sky the next moment let me watch while his palm dragged across my clit as two of his fingers disappeared inside me. My hands flew to hold onto the arm that was still on my chest while I watched his hand move.

“Breathe, Memphis.”

I sucked in a much-needed breath with his reminder and closed my eyes.

“Focus on me, angel. Only me. My hands. My fingers. My voice.”

His hand left my breasts and landed on the side of my face to turn my head until I was looking at him over my shoulder again.

“Me,” he whispered and kissed me.

I don’t know why he bothered. I wasn’t in control of anything my mouth was doing then. I couldn’t have kissed him back if I’d had a gun to my head. His hand was somehow both torturing me and setting me free. It had every nerve ending in my body firing signals at my brain at the same time from all directions. And staying in control of my brain was something I usually took an awful lot of fucking pride in.

“Utah,” I gasped out of nowhere, to even my own surprise. “I’m—I’ —”

So, my brain wasn’t even capable of communicating with my mouth anymore?

“You’re going to come for me, Memphis.” The deep rumble in his voice right in my ear made me fucking whimper. “You’re going to come for me now.”

He wasn’t wrong.

I did.

And I think I went blind for a few seconds.

Or maybe I still just had my eyes closed.

Utah pulled the blanket back up over me and locked his arms around my body before he kissed the side of my head.

“I think I like stargazing,” I said just before another deafening blast from the thunder made my entire body jolt. I looked up to realize that I couldn’t actually see the stars anymore through the clouds. Utah laughed and squeezed me.

“Just not being outside to do it?”

Tiny drops of water on my face opened my eyes to more lightning, and then another slight second of panic ripped through me at the sound of more thunder.

“We should go,” Utah said.

It might have been the most disappointing moment of my life when he lifted his arms off me. I enjoyed every second of what he’d just done. Wouldn’t have done that shit any differently. Wouldn’t take it back or change it for anything. I hadn’t spent a single second of that time afraid of him. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that he wouldn’t stop if I told him he was hurting me, or even if I just didn’t want him to keep going.

He leaned forward to sit us both upright a little more and started to reach for my clothes which had been tossed to the other side of the truck bed. I moved away from him just to turn back to face him, and I climbed right into his lap to lace my fingers behind his neck as the rain picked up. He smiled and his hands landed on my hips. Those hands ventured around my lower back and moved up to my shoulder blades to pull me into his chest so he could kiss me, but he stopped rather suddenly and pulled away.

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