Page 52 of Flirty Pucking Wolf

I pull back, nodding. We need to have this conversation. This probably isn’t the best day to have it, but I may as well shove all the suckiness together rather than letting it ruin multiple days.

“I love you, Ian. I’m so proud of you. But for once, I wanted to be the Mackenzie in the spotlight. Everyone knows the only reason I have my spot on the show is because you and Ma required it.”

“What?” Ian’s brow is furrowed. He looks truly puzzled.

“Your contract included a clause that I’d be included in the troupe for the UK show and given a spot in this show.”

Ian shakes his head slowly. “No, it doesn’t. Neither does Ma’s. Neither one of us has that kind of influence. Who told you that?”

“Nancy. And other people have whispered that I only have this shot because of you both.”

He somehow manages to snort elegantly. If I tried that I’d sound like an asthmatic alpaca.

“Never, ever listen to anything that bitch says. She’s a bitter, petty woman. Of course being related to us helped you get noticed, but that’s because we were dance partners for years. They saw you when they were watching my tapes. It got my other former partners noticed too. None of them made the show because they aren’t as good as you. The only thing they had going for them was being half a foot taller than you. I used to pray every night you’d have a growth spurt so we could keep dancing together. Told you I was selfish.”

He reaches out and presses against my chin to close my mouth. I didn’t realize it had fallen open in shock.

“So you had nothing to do with me being on the show?” Could this be true? Could I have gotten this on my own merits?

“It’s true. I had nothing to do with you getting a spot. Other than being an excellent partner when we were younger. You got yourself here, crumpet. Why do you listen to idiots? You know how catty dancers are.”

I listen to idiots because they confirm what I believe about myself. I’m not ready to admit that out loud yet. Ian’s knowing gaze tells me I don’t have to. He can see the truth. Having a twin who knows me so well is a blessing and a curse.

I pull him in for another hug and kiss him on the cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here, Ian. Seriously. You’re wonderful as a host, and if I can’t dance with Trevor, there’s no one else I’d rather dance with. Thank you.”

He gives my ponytail a light tug. “Stop being so sappy, Soph. It’s almost as creepy as you being Zen. Let’s go remind everyone what a great team we make.”

The day is a blur of learning and rehearsing the group dances for the finale. While the other two teams rehearse their final dances, I teach Ian ours. He learns all the steps quickly and is technically perfect, but I know the dance is missing the magic that occurs when it’s me and Trevor performing. The league wouldn’t relent on rescheduling the game, so Trevor and I aren’t competing for the Platinum Paw. Ian and I will dance it as an exhibition dance instead.

Ma swings by and is given the star treatment by the producers in deference to her role as a judge on the main UK show. And because she’s wonderful. She’s not interested in all that though. Today she just wants to be my mum, and I love her for it. For the first time since the debacle with Doreen, I have a cup of tea. I’m only drinking it because it’s my mother’s special blend, and it has always calmed me down. We’re settled on a settee in the green room, which is deserted for once. It’s wonderful to be my mother’s focus. It’s been too long since it’s been just the two of us.

“Sophie girl, I am so proud of you,” Ma says in her soothing Irish lilt. “You’ve worked so hard and come so far. And to see you with Trevor, ach, it does my heart good. All I want is to see my children happy, to see them find the love they deserve. I wish you much happiness together. Like what I have with your father.”

I need to tell her the truth, but I’m afraid. Now that I have her approval, I don’t want to lose it. But I’m tired of hiding a part of myself.

“Ma, I don’t want what you and Da have. I don’t want to be tied down with kids. I don’t want to give up dancing. I love Trevor, but I don’t know that I want to marry him. Or if he’d want to marry me. He doesn’t want kids either. You had to give up dancing when you had us, and Da’s horses and races always came first. I’m selfish. I want to put myself first.”

The hurt in her blue eyes kills me. I love my mother. Even though her choices aren’t what I want for myself, I don’t want to belittle her for making them. She loves us, and I’m grateful to have her as my mother.

“Is that what you think?” Ma asks.

Swallowing hard, I nod.

Tears gather in Ma’s eyes as she takes my hand. “Oh, Sophie, I’m sorry. I failed you.”

My shocked gasp seems to echo off the walls and slam back into me. That was not what I was expecting.

“I never wanted it to seem like I gave up anything to raise you and your brothers. I didn’t. I wanted to be a wife and mother. I didn’t plan to have so many of you so quickly”—she grins and shrugs— “but it is what it is. I’d always wanted to have a family. But that’s what was right for me. You don’t have to want the same thing.”

“But you had to stop dancing. I know you love it.”

Ma shakes her head. “I never gave up dancing. I gave up competing. Two different things. I never enjoyed competing, but it’s what you endure to be able to dance ballroom at the level I wanted. By the time I married your father, I’d accomplished what I wanted in the professional ballroom world. I’d won the championships, done the travel. I was ready for a new adventure. You and your brothers were certainly that!”

We both laugh.

“But I always kept dancing,” she says. “I’d dance with you in my arms while you were infants. Your father’s thing was to sing to you, mine was to dance. I taught you and your brothers to dance. Your father and I would dance. I dance amongst the flowers in my garden. I’m never going to stop dancing. What I gave up was the hours of practicing. The weeks of travel. The strict dieting. You’re blessed with a shifter metabolism, so staying trim and strong is easy for you. For those of us who are all human, even with my powers as a witch, it’s a struggle. I had to exercise strenuously and be mindful of every calorie to stay in the shape required to dance competitively at the highest levels. No way could I enjoy the delicious treats Siobhan made. No tea parties with you and Miranda. Competing wasn’t worth the sacrifice. If I’d wanted to keep competing, your father would have supported me wholeheartedly, just as he does with the show. All he’s ever done is love and support me.”

A tear slips down my cheek as I nod. I didn’t know any of this.

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