Page 81 of Forgotten Pieces

“You want to know something funny?”

He looks at me confused over my abrupt subject change.

“Our lake is close to here.”

“Really?”

“Have you not walked the trail behind your house? The one just past the creek?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “I didn’t realize there was one back there.”

“Serendipitous, don’t you think? That you would buy a house right near our lake and not even know it.” I pause, knowing I am about to break about seventeen of my rules. I don’t talk about my past but it’s never been an issue with Ryder and it’s better if we talk. “Seven for a secret?”

There is an immediate change in his demeanor. “Coffee?” he asks as he turns around and grabs the pot off the coffeemaker.

I nod. He pours two to-go cups and hands one to me before we walk out the door.

“How did you know this trail was back here?” he asks as we step over a few fallen logs on the overgrown trail.

“I spent a lot of time walking out here when I was younger. Clearing the thoughts in my head. I must have walked past the old house that used to be on your property a hundred times. I didn’t discover it until after you left. I couldn’t use the lake as my place of solace after that. Too many memories.”

Ryder takes my hand and pulls me to a stop in front of him. “I never apologized for what I did that night.”

“Please don’t do this, Ry. Not now.”

He pulls me closer. “No, you need to know. I never meant to hurt you. I was so in love with you back then. But the feeling that it was wrong kept weighing on my mind.”

I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want him to tell me it was our age difference that made him leave. I don’t want to know the reasons. It took me years to heal my broken heart when he left. And I was happy I left all those pieces of our past forgotten.

And I especially don’t want to hear how he loved me. He never spoke those words to me. I felt them, a ghost living on breaths between us. But he never said them aloud and to hear it now is almost worse than never hearing it back then.

“Ryder, don’t tell me that. I—”

“I was an idiot, T. I loved you but I wouldn’t let myself hold you back. You were so strong, meant for so many things. I knew if I stayed or convinced you to come with me you never would have done any of those things you wanted to do. You would have been stuck in White Creek or some town just like it, miserable. And you would have resented me. You would have hated me for keeping you away from your dreams.”

“I never would have hated you Ryder,” I say, trying desperately to hold back the tears.

“Yes, you would have. And that is why I never said those words to you. It’s why I left in the middle of the night. You needed to fly and you did.”

I pull away from him as I wipe the tears from my eyes. “I didn’t do any of the things I wanted.”

“Yes, you did. Just because you didn’t make it because some asshole tore you apart doesn’t mean you didn’t set out to do what you wanted. If you had stayed with me, it never would have happened. You never would have experienced that life.”

I turn to face him, rage building inside of me. He has no idea the life that I threw away. I couldn't care less about Broadway and fame. But I threw away the person inside of me when Cole ripped me apart. And I still think I never would have gone through that pain if Ryder had just met me that night.

“You have no right to think that I deserved to live that life. You destroyed me, Ryder. Obliterated my heart when you left. No note, no text, no phone call. It took me three years to get over you. And when I finally did, I fell into a relationship with a lying, cheating asshole. You want to know the rest of the story I didn’t tell you?

“Cole lied to me. The whole fucking time we were together. I thought he was the one I was going to marry. He treated me like a queen. Then he ripped my world apart not just by destroying my dreams of Broadway but by lying the entire time we were together. I never thought I would love someone the way I loved you until Cole came around. And it was all a fucking joke,” I scream.

Ryder stands patiently in front of me as I pace. “What did he do?”

I can hear the protectiveness in Ryder’s voice even though he should have no right to be protective over me. “He cheated on me. The entire time we were together. He had a girlfriend. I was the side piece. I never meant anything to him. I gave him everything and all I was to him was a good time.” I turn to face Ryder, my eyes bloodshot, but he needs to understand why I can’t do this with him. “I can’t be that girl again, Ryder. I can’t be the one head over heels for someone who doesn’t belong to me.”

I see the realization hit his face.

“If I had stayed with you, I never would have faced that heartbreak, the loss of my being like I did with Cole.”

“You can’t blame me for that T.”

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