Page 34 of The Ghost of You

She smiles at me as she starts to walk backward toward her house. “What’s your favorite food?”

I scratch the back of my neck as I look at her. “That’s an odd question.”

“I can be an odd person sometimes.”

Her goofiness does something to my chest. It makes me want to reach out and touch her. Tell her not to go back home. Instead, I just answer her question. “Lasagna.”

“Okay Detective.”

I shake my head, smiling as she walks away. We only shared a few words but for some reason it makes me feel better about the shit day I was having since I woke up.

* * *

The sun is startingto set just as I finish the last board on the porch. I am glad I got something done today. Feel like I accomplished one thing.

I put my tools inside the garage before heading inside. Brutus follows me into the kitchen and I walk into the pantry to grab him food. I open my fridge and find a whole lot of nothing. The only thing inside is half a six-pack of beer and leftovers from dinner at my parents yesterday. I grab the leftovers and throw them in the microwave, foregoing a plate.

I need to start cooking for myself. Of course, that would mean finishing up my kitchen so I could actually use it. My hand goes to the drawer where the picture of Claire and I sit. I grip my neck as I let go of the handle, but my misery gets the best of me and I open it up.

I grab the picture and stare at her. She was so beautiful that day. Her strawberry blonde hair braided to one side. Her brown eyes smiling bigger than the smile on her face. We promised each other forever. She cried that day. Happy tears. She said she never thought she would find someone that would accept her for all her flaws and that she would love me until her last breath.

My hand starts to crumple around the picture.

She lied to me.

She left me.

She destroyed me.

I see the tear hit the picture before I feel them on my face. Fuck. I need to get over her. I need to let her go the way she let me go. But I know her and I know she would never intentionally hurt me. I know she needed time to figure things out. And that’s what I’ve given her.

Time.

Five fucking years.

Maybe my brothers are right. Maybe it is time to move on. But that smile on her face at the wedding is enough to make me wait.

There is a knock on my door. My head snaps up wondering who it could be. The thoughts of Claire give me hope. Until I realize I was lost in my head again.

I drop the picture back in its safe place and slam the drawer. If it’s one of my brothers, I am slamming the door in his face. I can’t deal with them right now. Not after last night’s family dinner.

I open the door and see Anna standing on the other side of the screen. She has a casserole dish covered in foil in her oven-mitted hands. I push open the screen and she steps aside.

“What are you doing here?” I say, harsher than I intend to.

She bites her lip and looks down before meeting my gaze. “I just wanted to bring you dinner. As a thank you.”

“You didn’t have to. I already have food cooking.” Not a total lie.

“Well then, you can save it for later,” she says as she barges past me. “This pan is hot I need to put it down.”

I close the door behind her and follow her into my half-finished kitchen. I don’t have any countertops, just a piece of plywood covering the hole over the new cabinets. She walks to my small kitchen table and uses her elbow to push aside the piles of mail sitting on the table and sets the dish down.

I should be embarrassed about the look of my home. If you can even call it that. But I don’t care what others think. I am trying so hard to make it better, to make it feel like a home. But the pain it causes sometimes is too much to bear.

My mom used to come around every couple weeks to help clean up. But she stopped last year. It’s embarrassing to think a mother needs to tidy up after her thirty-four-year-old son but she did it anyway. It wasn’t until I yelled at her when she almost went in the drawer where the picture of Claire and I rests that she stopped coming.

I thought that would be the end of it. The end of the harassment over me and my inability to get over the fact my wife left me. But it wasn’t. And last night’s family dinner was the first time in a few months it was brought up. It’s what caused my shitty mood today.

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