Page 64 of The Ghost of You

My mom means business when she uses both my names. “I don’t want to talk about it, Mom.”

“You never want to talk about it,” she sighs. “You need to move on, Noah. You need to stop letting Claire come between you and everyone else. She isn’t coming back.”

Although I believe those words to be true, it still hurts to hear them. It’s been five years but a part of me is still waiting for the day she walks back through my door.

“And if you continue to live your life this way you will turn into a grumpy, cynical old man that no one will want to be around. Including your family.” She points down the hall where Anna walked away. “But that girl there. She is special. She cares about you, and I know you care about her. Don’t let her walk away from you too, Noah.”

With that, my mom walks back down the hall toward the party. I lean back against the wall, trying to find some sense of peace in this. But I can’t. I am confused. I do feel things for Anna, but something in my brain is holding me back.

I walk into my dad’s office and sit. I think about what my mom said. I think about Anna and her past. I think about Claire and what happened. What I could have done to drive her away. But I still don’t know the answer. And that alone is enough to keep me from having another relationship. If I don’t know where I went wrong, how am I to keep myself from doing it again? Anna has already been through too much and I can’t bring more hurt into her life.

By the time I get my mind to turn off, I realize I’ve been sitting in the office for over an hour. I walk back to the living room to find almost everyone has left.

“Where’s Anna?” I ask my mom.

“She left, Noah.”

“How did she get home?” I know my mom can see the hint of worry flash across my face.

My mom picks up a few glasses and walks to the kitchen. “Carson drove her.”

“Fuck.” I scrub my hands over my face as I throw my head back.How did I fuck this up with her?

“Noah, you want a scotch? Dad is opening his twenty-year single malt.” Hunter asks me from the living room.

“Why don’t you stay, Noah?” my mom asks.

“I should go apologize to her.”

My mom rests her hand on my shoulder. “I think you should let her be. For now. Stay with us. Hunter is staying the night. Asher is too. Time with your brothers might be good for you.”

I nod at my mom. She’s always been the one on my side giving me advice when I didn’t think I needed it. I’m a momma’s boy through and through.

“Okay, Mom.”

She smiles at me then yells at her husband. “Warren, pour a glass for me and Noah too.”

17

Anna

The Monday after Thanksgiving,Seraphina and I head to hot yoga. We don’t offer it at her studio, so it’s nice to get out and experience other studios every now and then. It’s starting to get cold in Asheville and the heat in hot yoga warms me up. Not to mention it’s the best stress reliever I’ve ever found.

I filled her in on Thanksgiving on Saturday at work. She was surprised I went to a Thanksgiving dinner. I told her all about the sexual tension and flirting with Noah. But I left out the kiss because I am still not sure what the hell happened.

And then shit got even more weird.

After the way Noah acted in the hall and then disappeared for over an hour, I decided to hitch a ride home with Carson and Mason. Before Carson dropped me off at home, Mason asked if I wanted to write. I agreed because with the confusion with Noah I thought writing would help calm my brain a bit.

But then Mason was overly flirty with me. Which has never happened before. Maybe he saw me kiss Noah. Maybe he is jealous about what is non-existent between me and his brother? I didn’t stay long at the studio because I was more confused than before.

But I let myself go back yesterday. I knew Darnell was in town for the day and wanted to hang out. I made myself face Mason and ask what the hell was going on with him. He made it clear as day.

“Mason asked me out,” I blurt out.

Her brows shoot up. “No fucking way. When? What did you say?”

I sit on a bench and pull my socks on. “Yesterday at the studio and I said no.”

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