Page 42 of Birdy

Pulling the kite free, I stare at it for several moments. It’s folded so evenly, meticulously, so tight that if it were to fall on the ground, it’d remain sealed. What is in this note?

With shaky hands and my heart lodged in my throat, I go for it, unfolding it carefully so as not to rip it. The message is written dead-center on a sheet of notebook paper.

I wasn’t gonna respond, but I want you to know the Why behind it. Don’t ask why, I just...do. Paper trails are a bad idea. Could end badly for both of us, and I’m sure you don’t wanna be in here any longer than you already have to. I have to know one thing tho… Tell me what you’re in for, and I’ll honor you that favor.

You have my word.

?Algo Me Gusta De Ti - Wisin & Yandel

I was doing so good.

So. Damn. Good.

After Benni gave me that kite, I knew I had to put a stop to whatever the fuck this was attempting to flicker between us. Itcouldn’thappen, point-blank—no matter how enticing the flame might be. And if the speed in which everything had spiraled—coupled with the sheer intensity of it all—proved anything to me at all, it’s that both time and morale knew no bounds in this equation, and that flame would burn into a raging fire just as quickly if I didn’t snuff it out before it spread.

So, for the rest of the week, I clocked in, did what was expected of me, and clocked back out without incident. I didn’t look at her, didn’t engage her—not a damn thing. It wasn’t easy, especially when I could feel the confusion and disappointment emanating off her in waves, but I was making it happen.

I was getting by.

Until the weekend came around...

Exhausted from the mass amount of effort it took not to slip up, her words taunting me from my nightstand weren’t helping me prepare to suit up for the following week. That’s my own fault, though. I hadn’t brought myself to throw her note away, and not because I didn’t try. I’d flung it into the trash at some point on Friday night, only to end up fishing it back out Saturday morning, the temptation to break my resolve and respond, becoming harder and harder to subdue. I had way too much time alone with my thoughts, and by the time Sunday rolled around, I couldn’t take it anymore.

My plan was simple, a one-time thing. Keeping my distance and maintaining professionalism wouldn’t change.

But if I couldn’t have her, then I at least had to knowwhyin the ever-loving fuck was she in prison.

Maybe if it were bad enough, it’d turn me off and end this madness.

If only it were that easy…

If only.

Little did I know my response was going to kick things up a notch—or five.

?Dear Mama - 2Pac

“This isa collect call from an inmate at Glades Correctional Institution. A twenty-one cent per minute charge will apply if you accept the call. To accept, please press—”

A long beep resounds through the line before the recording finishes, and then I hear, “Hello?”

Noely.

The very corners of my lips turn up in a smile at the sound of my sister’s voice. “Hi,hermana.”

I’m expecting her to ask me how I am as she usually does when she’s the one who answers, but what I get is an emotionally-charged, “I miss you.”

My heart breaks more than it normally does when I call home. This hellhole is almost three hours from Miami, so visits are limited to once per month—if that. I haven’t seen them in almost three months. Phone calls are really all I have, but man, do they make it hard sometimes. Ihate itwhen they tell me they miss me. It’s nothing more than a grueling reminder that what pain they feel is because of me.I’mwhat’smade them suffer all these years. It’s more common for Ma to get emotional on me, though, so when my sister tells me she misses me? I know something is wrong. Noely’s affectionate. She’s just not the greatest with words unless she’s falling apart and doesn’t know what to do—then she suddenly has all the words and more.

Laurelio, her new-ish boyfriend, has been known to be that reason a few times in the last couple of years.

“I miss you too. What happened now?” I ask, huddling up right beside the phone to peep the area around me.

Lena, Mari, and Quinn are all on calls too.

“Lo mismo.” The same.“But I miss you for real too. Wish you were here…” Her voice cracks at the end there, immediately plummeting my heart to the pit of my stomach.

That sound is never good.

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