Page 54 of Birdy

Chulo:Stop tempting me.

Me: But I like tempting you.

Chulo:You’re tempting enough as it is. Look what we’re doing right now.

Me:I thought you said it was a perk?

Chulo:Oh, it is, but that doesn’t cancel out the fact we shouldn’t be.

Me:Sounds like you’re warring with yourself as much as I am.

Chulo:I am, yes...

The subtle confirmation that he feels this, too, only adds fuel to the fire. Keep. Things. Light. Light and organized—that’s all we have to do. Easier said than done because if similar feelings in the past have proven anything to me at all, it’s that they can spiral into messy rather quickly. Shit—haven’t they already?

The vibe of another message pulls me from my introspection.

Chulo:I changed my mind.

Me:About?

Chulo:When you asked what’s in it for me…

Me:Lolll. Want me to pencil you in after all?

Chulo:Yeah, for a taste of your lips.

I’m biting said lips in anticipation as I type...

Me:That’s all?

Chulo:For now… I’ve been eyeing them since my first day. They look so soft.

For now…

Me:They are.

Chulo:I want them, even if it’s just once.

Me: When?

Chulo: I don’t know. Might have to be spur-of-the-moment with how limited time is.

Once again, he’s not wrong. Now that I think about it, this is the longest he and I have been able to speak in the time we’ve known one another. I can’t lie and say I’m hating the idea of spur-of-the-moment, though. Think of the thrill, that all-consuming free fall of your heart when you’re caught by surprise. That would only add to the moment, make it taste that much sweeter.

Me:You want them? Come get them…

Being bad did always taste so much sweeter.

?Got You On My Mind - NF

Once.

Just once.

I just need to taste her one time, and I’ll be good.

That’s the bullshit lie I’ve been telling myself since I text it to Benni at the beginning of the week. We’re going on Friday now, and after texting for hours on end the last four nights in a row, I’m more on edge than I was before. We’ve asked each other almost every question in the book at this point: How old are you?—she’s two years older than me. Where are you from?—she’s Cuban; I’m Colombian. What’s your favorite color, favorite food, hobbies, etcetera, etcetera? Don’t get me wrong, getting to know her has been the highlight of my week, but fuck has it made that much more difficult. It’s not so much the not being able to interact freely during the day like we do at night—although that does play a role—as it’s more of there hasn’t been a time for me to whisk her away and take what I want.

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