Page 76 of Birdy

I thinkwhat blows most about the entire situation is that I know what I have to do.

Do I want to do it? No, absolutely not—but it’s what’s best for both of us. I know it is. Mack finding contraband inside Benni’s cell, contraband I snuck in,on top ofbeing wrongfully accused of moving drugs through the prison was the wake-up call I needed. Hell, it should’ve been for her, too. It doesn’t matter how right we might feel for each other...we’re not meant to be together, point-blank.

Not in this lifetime anyway.

So I’m cutting it off.

Tomorrow morning when I walk in, I’m giving her one last note, and that's going to be the end of it. I transferred to the Annex from South Florida for a job, one that paid much more because of the commute and had more of an opportunity for advancement. Not for me to meet a girl I had no business falling for.

Because that’s exactly what happened. I didn’t just want her in the physical sense—I fell for her. Hard and crazily fast too. I fell so hard that, despite knowing that what we were doing was wrong on so many different accounts,I didn’t care.She didn’t either, and that’s not how it’s supposed to be.

We should both care more about ourselves and the consequences our unofficial relationship could bring.

It has to end.

Cutting my gaze to my phone on the edge of the bed beside me, I illuminate the screen and stare at its blankness. 12:10 a.m. It’s so fucking quiet without her. We’d normally be texting by now, hopping on FaceTime every few days or so too. The only reason we never sent pictures was because she’d have to delete them...just like she did with our messages. That was the plan all along; I’d told her to clear them out nightly. It still took me by surprise at the moment.

When Mack found the phone and powered it on, I was lowkey expecting him to call me out, gritting my teeth as I waited for all to be revealed, but there wasn’t anything on it—not even the burner number connected to my phone. I don’t know if she ever added it to a contact list at all, but that phone was squeaky clean, leaving Mack thoroughly confused as he swiped through every screen and menu possible in an attempt to find something.

What cemented the fact for me was that a lot of these women are good people who simply made bad choices? Benni’s cellmate refusing to incriminate either one of them. Because of where Mack found it—items closest to you are deemed yours unless claimed for or proved otherwise—it appeared as though it were hers, tucked deep into the metal post of the bunk, but Reynoso didn’t say a word throughout his inquisition, even when Seg was mentioned. The back and forth continued on for a bit until, finally, he got tired of going in circles and escorted her to the hole, leaving me to finish sweeping the rest of the cell.

Something I didn’t do.

I merely sat at the edge of Benni’s bed with the phone in my hand, wondering how the hell we got here and what the fuck was I thinking. It wasn’t until the telltale buzzer went off with Delfino’s entry that I hopped onto my feet and slipped the phone into one of the plastic bags Mack had asked me to bring in when the sweep started.

The mattress buzzes ever so slightly as my screen illuminates on its own, and for the briefest moment, my brain registers the incoming message as Benni out of habit.

Obviously, it’s not.

It’s Kass, and I actually find myself groaning a little, scrubbing a hand down my face.

Not now, Kass.

Kass:You up?

I debate for a good three minutes whether or not to text her back. Between the week I covered for Zhao and getting back on track with my normal schedule during Ryker’s shitstorm of a mess, I haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks. I didn’t want to, didn’t need to when I had the only girl I wanted.

The girl I’m about to lose.

End of the day, though, Kass and I are still friends regardless of the benefits, and I have enough crap to feel shitty about for me not to humor her and spare her a reply. None of this is her fault.

Me:I am. What’s up?

Kass:I bored af lol.

Kass:**I’m

Me:It’s midnight lol go to sleep.

Kass:I can’t.

Me:Why?

Kass:I’m drunk nd superrrrrrhorny.

My face scrunches up in slight disgust. It’s not Kass—I just can’t do it. I’m not remotely in the mood. If anything,I’mthe one who needs to go to sleep. Although, I’m not sure I’m not going to be getting much of that if I’m being honest. I’m so used to staying up until about one or two talking to Benni.

My little jailbird.

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