Page 81 of Birdy

What did I ever do to deserve all of this?

You got involved with him.But it’s not that little voice in my head that says this.

No, it's Tommy’s voice. Tommy, who was smart enough to never get caught, ended up getting himself killed because of me. I never even got to see him again after my trial—never got to say goodbye. He was right all along, though; he really and truly was. My brother tried so damn hard to keep me out of that lifestyle, to get me away from Ángel. He warned me I’d go down for thecomemierda,and I should’ve listened.

It would’ve spared his life.

Tears rolling down my cheeks, I send my brother another silent apology. I’ve sent him dozens over the last four years, begging him to forgive me for robbing him of his life. He was never supposed to—

A loud clunk meets my ears, snapping my head up from my place on the cot in time to see the cell door being pulled open. At the threshold stands CO Rodriguez, a sympathetic smile quirking the corners of his mouth at the sight of me.

I probably look like hell.

“C’mon, Villanueva.” He tips his head for me to follow. “You’re out of here.”

Eyes widening, I wipe the wetness clinging to my cheeks and scoot to the end of the cot. “R-really?”

Rodriguez nods, stepping aside so I can join him in the hall. “Yup.”

Finally.

He doesn’t have to tell me twice.

I’m hopping onto my feet—legs somewhat weak from the lack of rest and nutrition—and making my way toward him as another round of those soul-rattling screams breaks out. Both he and I cringe at the sound, shoulders shooting up to our ears.

“Has that been happening a lot?” he asks, to which I nod, suddenly feeling lightheaded.

“Every couple hours or so.”

“Jesus.” He shakes his disapprovingly, wrapping a gentle hand around my arm. “Might have to get her psych, if she continues.”

I don’t know whosheis, but I feel for her, cringing yet again as we pass her cell, and she yells manically for someone to help her. Psych isn’t somewhere you wanna go if you don’t actually belong there, and I highly doubt she does. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be here. Psych is segregated enough as it is.

“Where are we going?” I glance up at Rodriguez as we make our way out of Ad-Seg’s wing.

“Back to the block,” he answers. “You have an appointment with Counselor Judge later, though.”

Just the mention of Judge racks a jarring shiver down my spine, my stomach churning despite the fact it’s empty. He’s probably going to tell me—in his most disappointed tone—that I can kiss my early release goodbye since I came clean about the phone while Andrés and Jordan were dragging Lena and me to Seg. Hopefully, the fact that I’ve not accumulated many infractions in my time here will spare me from a longer sentence or even deportation, but I guess we’ll see when I meet with him.

Walking the halls back to the block is surreal. I couldn’t have been in the holethatlong, but it sure as fuck feels like centuries. Everything is exactly the same—the gray walls, the old, dingy floors, yet it looks different, too.

Feels different.

Even the buzzer alerting the block of our arrival sounds different.

The first thing I notice as we walk in is the clock on the far wall. It’s almost three in the afternoon. The next thing I notice, and it’s purely because they’re rushing toward me, are two of the girls. Mari and Quinn nearly rip me from Rodriguez’s hold and almost tackle me to the ground, both of them wrapping their arms around me in a joint hug that leaves me breathless.

“I’ve been so worried.” Mari’s voice quakes as Quinn nods silently in agreement.

“I’m fine,” I assure them. “Just tired, dirty, and suddenly famished. How long was I in there?”

“A week,” Quinn answers. “And you’ve missed a lot.”

Like what?

Rodriguez clears his throat then, prompting the girls to release me and step back as I pivot to face him. “You’ve got an hour before your meeting with Judge. Why don’t you go get your shower bag, and I’ll walk you down to the bathroom?” he suggests kindly.

I nod appreciatively because I definitely do need a shower. I haven’t had one in a week. You don’t get to shower in the hole. They just leave you there to rot, only providing meals because it would be against the law not to.

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