Page 7 of On Circus Lane

“Shit,” I whisper. I hate it when they stay over. Morning afters can be so incredibly awkward.

“Hello,” I say tentatively. I jump when he moves, but he just turns his face towards me and starts to snore. He’s drooling, and as the sheet slides downwards, I note that he has a very hairy arse.

“Erm, hello.” I sound like the king at a royal garden party. “Oi,” I say, toeing his leg. “Oi, Ted. It’s time to go.” I’m fairly sure that’s his name. The memory is lost in the alcohol haze of last night.

He carries on impersonating a roadside digger through the medium of his mouth, and I sigh. Loudly. But it doesn’t make any difference.

My head jerks when someone bangs on my flat door. “Bee, we’re outside,” Ivy shouts. “Are you ready?”

Fuck. I jump out of bed. Clothes are strewn everywhere, and two empty condom wrappers and an empty bottle of Baileys are lying sadly on the floor. “Fuck,” I repeat, out loud this time, and wrap a towel around my waist before hotfooting it to the door.

I fling it open and catch Ivy as she falls through and nearly face plants on the floor.

“What time is it?” I ask hoarsely.

“It’s eight o’clock.” She looks me up and down. “Are you travelling like that? It might be a bit cold.”

I glare at her, and then we both jump when a call of “Hello?” comes from the bedroom.

She bites her lip and turns to look at me with merriment in her eyes.

“Oh, shut up,” I hiss.

“He’s still here.”

“Obviously, unless I’ve discovered how to throw my voice.”

“You don’t look too comfortable with the one you’re using now. You’re very hoarse, Blowjob Boy.”

“Hello!” comes the shout again.

Ivy and I look at each other and giggle. “Shit,” I gasp. I take a breath and ask, “What do you mean ‘we’re here’?”

Ivy’s crept to the bedroom door and peeps inside. “Nice bum,” she mouths. She turns back to me and says, “Tom, Jack, and Steven are downstairs.”

I gape at her. “You’rekidding.”

“Nope. Are you ready?”

I gesture to my body. “Yes, of course I am. Fuck, they’re waiting outside?” I tiptoe over to the window and look down towhere an Audi SUV is waiting in my parking spot, the engine running. “Shit,” I breathe. “I haven’t even packed yet.”

“What?”

I wince. “Ivy, indoor voice, please.”

“You haven’t packed? Oh my god. Tell me you’ve got stuff ready, at least.”

“No,” I say, starting to panic. “Oh mygod.”

“Okay, calm down.”

We both look up as Ted appears wrapped in a sheet.

“Hello,” he says, grinning at Ivy. She smiles back at him.

I groan. “No time,” I say, darting past him into the bedroom. Ivy follows me in, explaining the situation to Ted.

“Wow,” she says, breaking off and looking around. “Were you burgled?”

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