Page 75 of My Rival for Christmas

Nate flinches at my words, like I punched him instead, and I wonder if he can still hear the sound of my apartment door closing behind him as he walked out that day. If the sound still keeps him up late at night, like it does for me. A ghost haunting my apartment.

He takes a step toward me.

I retreat back.

I can’t have him touch me right now.

Nate’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “I left.”

“Did it help?” I cross my arms around my waist, hugging myself. “Did putting distance between us help you?”

If it did, I’ll be thankful. The idea of Nate suffering because of me is too much to handle. Cutting me in places I didn’t even know existed.

“No.”Nate takes a step toward me. And this time, I don’t back away. “I’m so sorry I left you, Paige, but I didn’t know how else to stay. I’ve always put you before everything, and I thought maybe if I put myself first, get these feelings back under control, that maybe distance would temper them enough to where I could be around you even if I couldn’t have you.”

“But you stayed at Charmed.” If being around me was that bad for him, why did he stay? He could’ve gone anywhere. Clubs and organizations would’ve flocked to have him.

“What can I say? I’m a masochist.” He tries to smile as he shrugs but falls short. “Even though it hurt, I couldn’t stand to not see you every day, and I thought maybe from afar it would help. So I asked Stassi to be my partner.”

“I always wondered how you convinced her to skate without Ivan.”

After his back injury, everyone thought Stassi would retire with him. The pair had been inseparable their entire lives. I don’t think they ever skated with anyone else. So we were all shocked when she stayed on to skate with Nate.

I hated her for it a little, even though I tried so hard not to project what I felt for Nate onto her. But there were moments I slipped up over the years, much to my chagrin.

“She did it as a favor to me, for helping Ivan get his head out of his ass back when they were dancing around their feelings for each other.”

Because they are both normal, emotionally intelligent people who don’t run away from their feelings.

God, I wonder what Nate and I’s lives would have looked like if I was a more put-together human, with not as much trauma.

“Don’t do that,” Nate tells me.

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t put us in their shoes.” Untangling my arms from around my waist, Nate grabs my hands and gives them both a squeeze. “We don’t have the same story. And that’s okay.”

“Is it? Because I don’t even know where we go from here. I don’t know what you want from me now.Howyou could still want me.” I try to tug my hands free, but Nate holds on. Not letting me escape. “I’mso sorry.I’m so sorry I did that to you. I?—”

My throat gets clogged as tears prick my eyes, sliding down my cheeks.

Without a second thought, Nate’s pulling me into his chest, holding me as tight as our bodies will allow. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he repeats over and over. One of his hands slips into my hair while the other sneaks under the hoodie I’ve stolen from him.

Anchoring me to him.

“It’s not okay,” I protest, my words muffled against his shirt since he won’t let me pull away. “Why are you even consoling me? You should be making me feel like shit. Go on, I can take it.”

Nate laughs, the sound vibrating against my chest, even if it sounds a little sad. His fingers tighten in my hair, tipping my head back so I can look at him again. “Because I love you, Paige Montgomery. I’ve never stopped. And I’ll take every trial, every mistake, every stupid decision I made just to be here with you.”

More tears start to fall. Nate loves me. Not loved in the past tense. But still does.

“The question is”—his fingers tighten around my hair, like I’m about to slip away forever—“where do we go from here? Where doyouwant us to go from here?”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

paige

He loves me.

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