Page 131 of Shroom for Improvement

“Oh, how fun,” she said, as though presented with a novelty crossword puzzle. She winked at me, and I had the sudden premonition I’d have to bear witness at a murder trial. She placed her arm through the loop of Mr Greene’s elbow like the doddering old lady she pretended to be, and leaned closer to him. “Let’s take a walk around the grounds, shall we?”

“Let’s,” he agreed, still smiling, though considerably less manic than before.

“Please don’t kill Mr Greene,” I said to Mrs Ziegler.

Mr Greene laughed as though I’d been joking. But the smile was completely wiped from his face the second Mrs Ziegler said, “And where would the fun be in that?”

“He’ll be alright, won’t he?” I asked, as the rest of us watched the retreating backs of the serpent shifter and Hades, God of the Underworld, slipping into the forests surrounding the house.

“I hope so,” Oggy said.

“Not a chance in hell,” Willow added at the same time.

“Um, how long do we reckon they’ll be taking a walk for?” John slipped a sidewards glance at Jacques.

Jacques bit the corner of his bottom lip. “John, didn’t you have something important to show me in that semi-public orchard right over there?”

“Well, I’m not hanging around to witness either... activity.” I began to make my way inside. Oggy and Willow followed me.

“Would you like me to fix you some breakfast, since you were too sickly to eat this morning?” asked Oggy.

“I wasn’t too sickly. I was too sad.” I was still too sad, but the waning adrenalin from the encounter with the estate agent and the councillor had carved a desperate, primal need to refuel.

Instead of my usual eggs royale, Willow brought me a vegetarian fry-up. I wasn’t even vegetarian, not by any means. An unrestrained sob left my throat. In all the chaos of earlier, I had... not forgotten about Sonny, but he’d not been at the forefront of my thoughts.

He was now. Right there. Right at the front. Dominating every single thought. I couldn’t even call or text him. Hopefully, after the ritual tomorrow at sunrise, the house would have enough energy for me to FaeTime him. That was if it hadn’t been flattened by a team of bulldozers.

It wouldn’t be, not if Mrs Ziegler had anything to do with it.

I just needed to see him again. Hear his voice. Wish him good luck with his meeting.

That thought alone was going to carry me through the next twenty hours.

“That was rather clever of you to call on Mrs Z,” Willow said, pulling up a chair at my table.

“Thank you, Willow.”

“Hey.” They playfully punched my bicep. “You got my name right. I told you, you’d just know which one of us was which.”

“It was Oggy who said that,” I said.

Willow nodded. “How did you know it would work? The thing with Mrs Z?”

I took a deep breath and organised the swirling mess inside my head. “It was the word ‘summon’ and something the house had said to me a few weeks ago. It said that Mrs Z was actually Hades, imprisoned here at Stinkhorn Manor. That she had a gift for drawing out a person’s worst guilt and regrets and replaying them over and over until they dissolved into a puddle of misery, basically.”

“Wow, it didn’t lie for once,” Willow said. They got to their feet and made to leave.

“Sorry, what do you mean it didn’t lie for once?” I asked.

“The house, it’s a compulsive liar. I’m sure Oggy and I have warned you about it before. It lies, and it manipulates. It’s a big old attention seeker. A princess. It will tell you whatever it thinks you want to hear in order to get what it wants.”

My heart was racing again. “And what does it want?” I held my breath.

“Company mostly. And souls. Not like a daemon reaping souls, but... I believe it’s addicted to the...” Willow shot their gaze around the room, evidently looking for the correct word or for any eavesdroppers. “To the high it gets from other people’s emotions.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it again, having found nothing of any consequence to add. That would explain why the house had created everything so perfectly for Sonny and me. Our rooms, forcing us to sleep in one bed, making all those idyllic places for us to fuck.

Shit, the house had pushed us together. Was it all Jenny’s fault I fell in love with Sonny?

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