Page 80 of Shroom for Improvement

“But I understand in this situation things aren’t quite that simple. It wouldn’t work out, not if you have to perform a ritual every six months to keep the property standing, which is why I asked Cam to get involved.”

I turned to Cameron, genuinely curious. I hadn’t thought about what I’d do with the house for a long while. I had always intended to sell, but Wes was right, the ritual complicated things. Considerably.

Mr Greene smoothed out his shirt sleeves. “Mr Cope and I have had a lengthy discussion about your predicament, and we have arrived at a conclusion I feel would be exceedingly beneficial for all parties involved.”

“All parties.Pfft,”said Jenny.

“Instead of selling the property and risk the new owner failing to perform the ritual properly—”

“Or at all,” Jenny added. “Since it has to be you, Claude.”

“We rather thought the best practice would be to keep you on as owner, relocate the guests from the bed and breakfast into the main house, and charge them rent in alignment with the current market value. My team at Greene’s would manage the entire property for you. All you’d need to do is turn up once every six months, perform your duties, and head back to whatever endeavours you were doing before. You would, of course, receive incredible financial compensation for this regarding rent payments.”

“So... I’d be a landlord?” I wasn’t totally opposed to the idea, but I couldn’t keep the disgusted look from my face. The only thing more parasitic than estate agents were landlords.

“Landlords aren’t terrible people,” Mr Greene said with a smarmy little laugh, like he had read my thoughts.

Beside me, Sonny gave a subtle but derisive snort. It did not escape the estate agent’s notice.

“And what would happen to the guest house?” I asked.

“You could sell the guest house as an ongoing concern, or we could convert it into apartments. The guests would stay on as residents. We may have to increase their rent. What do they currently pay, say per week?”

Everybody looked at the sentry fae.

One of them squeaked. I think Oggy. “Well, currently the guests …”

“Tell me they pay to stay here?” Mr Greene said.

“Yes, of sorts. They, um... Well, John pays in compliments mostly,” Oggy said.

“Compliments?!” he scoffed.

“And Mr Dupont is a fan of antiquities and antique hunting, so he often exchanges his findings for his food and board.”

“Good gods,” Mr Greene turned to me. “Were you aware of this? Are you bothered by it? I’m going to assume you have plans to deal with this blip?”

My fingers twitched, and I realised they were still next to Sonny’s thighs. “Uh...” Oh shit, I shouldn’t have looked down at his legs. I’d forgotten the question. “Oh, right. I guess I’m aware of it. Now. And as for whether it bothers me the tenants do not pay for their keep? No, I can’t say that it does.”

“Are you serious?”

“He’s fae. He cannot lie,” Sonny said, and for the first time in the three years since I’d met him, he sounded pissed off.

A thought struck me. “Oggy, Willow?” I moved my head quickly from side to side, hoping that if I misnamed them, neither would notice. “Do I pay you both for managing the property and the guest house and doing all the cooking?”

“Uh,” one of them said. Probably Oggy. “Define pay.” Definitely Oggy.

“No, you don’t pay us a wage,” Willow added. “With money nor compliments. You’re actually quite rude most of the time. We do it because we’ve been assigned Stinkhorn Manor.”

Damn those bloody manners of mine.

“The old Lord Stinkhorn used to pay us, but his contract ended when he died.” Oggy’s words were soft, like she was trying to make excuses for me and my terrible behaviour.

I’d been an idiot. Why had I come to this place and not bothered to do any research into the logistics of it?

“Well, that needs to change. Right away. How much is the going rate for maintaining a listed property, running a guest house, cooking, cleaning? How much did my father pay you? How does thirty thousand silvers a year sound? Each.” It didn’t seem a lot to me, but I guessed they didn’t need to pay for board or food.

The sentry fae gasped.

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