Page 97 of Shroom for Improvement

Sonny palmed his face as my hand smashed down onto the table, sending my teaspoon catapulting out of my latte.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to say that... it just sort of slipped out.” He picked up my spoon from the floor and wiped it clean on a cloth napkin. “Of course, we don’t have to dothat.”His face was scarlet. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me. “We can take things at a pace you’re comfortable with. I—fuck, I don’t expect anything. I was just letting you know. And now I’m going to go back to my rooms to curl up into a ball and pray for nature to absorb my body into the ground.” He laughed, but he got to his feet.

“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m glad you said it.” I couldn’t meet his eye, but I was beginning to enjoy the random, unfiltered thoughts Sonny sometimes blurted out.

“It’s fine. I have so many one-to-ones this afternoon with students, I should pull my finger out. What are your plans for today?”

I looked through the big glass windows into the B&B’s gardens and the grey skies beyond that. “Well, I had planned to practise lightning magic, but I think I’ll stay indoors. I might look through your notes again. Practice the teacup glamour. It’s not exactly lightning, but if it helps to hone my skills...”

I also needed to have a good chat with Jenny. Because I was sure the house could tell me a lot more about this ritual than it was letting on. If it definitely, categorically, one hundred percent was the lightning, I didn’t need to try out anything else. And if Jenny would just confirm, Sonny wouldn’t need to hang around Stinkhorn Manor until next month.

Though perhaps I would keep that part to myself, simply to get a few more moments with him.

Was that unethical?

Probably.

But after the twentieth, would I ever see him again?

I should make the most of it—him, us, our time together.

Unless, of course, I fucked up the ritual and killed the house, and sent two beautiful sentry fae into the ether, and destroyed the ancient God of the Underworld, and handed Hell to Mr Dupont on a silver platter, and had to move back to Remy with my tail between my legs.

No, failing wasn’t an option.

But I didn’t want to waste these last few weeks with him.

Sonny bid me good luck with my training, told me he’d be in the next room if I needed him for anything, and then I watched him leave the guest house. Watched that perfect backside of his, and his pale, hairy calves retreating.

Despite needing to have a conversation with Jenny, I stayed at the table for another thirty minutes, just to get a little more respite from the house’s constant commentary.

“This came for you,” squeaked one of the sentry fae. I think it was Oggy. The only way I semi-knew, was because Oggy’s voice was an octave or two higher than Willow’s. She removed my empty breakfast plate and in its place she dropped a large, thick envelope.

The paper was the colour of clotted cream and was the luxury, heavyweight type: the kind one used when the sender wanted the recipient to know they meant business. The date mark was from last week, the day after the solicitor’s and estate agent’s visit. Sure enough, when I flipped the envelope over, the return address stamp read:Greene Property Management Solutions.

I slipped Sonny’s unused knife into the edge and sliced the envelope open. Inside it, and on equally expensive looking paper, was a contract. Unsigned, obviously... but still. An accompanying letter was enclosed.

Dear Lord Stinkhorn,

Thank you for showing myself and Mr Cope around your property yesterday. The following proposal may feel like it is coming a little left of field, but having considered our options greatly, we believe this is the only viable solution.

Stinkhorn Manor is built from non-standard materials and does not meet construction regulations. Rental restrictions mean we cannot let this property out in its current state. The house would require serious reconstruction to meet these requirements before we could open the doors to tenants. It is simply not profitable to make these changes, and it is only a matter of time before authorities learn of these failures and take action.

After much discourse, Greene’s have concluded the best course of action for this partnership would be to level the current building and construct a series of interconnecting apartment blocks. There would be seven in total, each containing eighteen luxury two-, three-, and four-bed flats.

I have enclosed details of a recent, very similar project, plus the projected profits for the next five years. Due to the demand for accommodation of this type in your area, we would be looking to start the demolition work on 21st June.

Please sign the enclosed contract and return to me at your earliest convenience.

If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call my secretary.

Cam Greene

CEO Greene Property Management

That man had some gall. Flatten a house I’d spent over a month trying to save. Bulldoze a sentient being. Sure, that sentient being was a fucking nightmare at times, but it still had feelings. It still provided and cared for its occupants.

There was no way.

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