Page 98 of Shroom for Improvement

Even if I wanted to sell, I wouldn’t sell to that guy. I didn’t need the money that badly.

“It’s not about the money,” I whispered aloud, just to make sure I wasn’t lying to myself.

John paused his typing but didn’t turn his head in my direction.

I stood, thanked Oggy for the breakfast-brunch-lunch, balled up the letter and threw it into the wastepaper bin. Jenny didn’t need to know how effective its tactics had been at dissuading Mr Greene.

“Hey!” John shouted, halting me in my tracks.

“Yes?” I said, trying not to roll my eyes at the abruptness to his tone.

I expected him to ask me about the letter. He didn’t. “I have something for you.” He pushed a small octagonal brass object towards the end of his table.

“What is it?”

“It’s a compass is what it is.”

I picked it up. It fit perfectly into the curve of my palm. “Doesn’t look like a compass.” It was heavy—heavier than anything that size had the right to be—and rather plain in terms of decorative features. There were noN S E Wmarkers, but there was a needle which lazily swayed this way and that around what would typically be considered “north.” On the side of the device was a bumpy dial. I clicked it, and a word came up in a small pane.Happy.

I continued to spin the dial. More words appeared and disappeared...Disappointed. Hellbent on revenge. Eager. Peculiar. Horny. Lazy.

“It’s a Gut Compass,” John said, not looking up from his laptop, but obviously sensing my confusion. “You’ve heard the phrase follow your gut, right?”

“Well, yeah . . .”

“Well, yeah,”he repeated in a mocking tone. “This is that. This is what the saying comes from. Those are extraordinarily rare. You’re welcome, by the way.” He still didn’t stop his tippy-tapping.

“Uh, thank you? So, I turn the dial until I find the... emotion I’m feeling and then, what, follow the arrow?”

“Not just a pretty face, are you?” He spared me one glance before returning to his laptop and resuming his typing.“And that was when the handsome warlock delivered the ancient, cursed Gut Compass to the unsuspecting idiot fae.”

“It’s cursed?” I placed it back on the table. “No, thank you.”

“Of course it’s not cursed. But I can’t very well write ‘the Gut Compass that was acquired for two silvers fifty at a car-boot sale in Agaricus’ in my memoir now, can I? Nobody would read that shit.” John picked up the compass and pressed it into my hands again. “Give it a whirl now. What are you in the mood for? Adventure, retail therapy, rocking mindlessly in a corner until the emptiness consumes you?”

“Why the fuck... ?” I pulled the device close to my face and flicked the dial once, and my breath stilled.

Solve the rhizome ritual.

The needle spun and stopped. It pointed out the door.

“Uh, I should . . . follow that . . .”

John closed his fist around my shirt sleeve. “Use it tonight with your magpie friend. Don’t let him see that you have it, though, or you won’t have it for very long, if you catch my drift. Not with his sticky little fingers.”

I couldn’t figure out what to say, so I kept quiet.

“It has infinite emotions, so if you don’t see the right one, keep scrolling. On the back, you can set the radius of how far you’re willing to travel. It’s in kilometres, FYI. Don’t make themistake I did and assume it’s in feet.” He turned back to his laptop. A dismissal.

“I’ll be off then,” I said, not bothering to spare him another glance before racing out the door and following the needle.

I followed it all the way out of the breakfast room, through the corridors. My heart raced, my palms grew sweaty. The adrenaline pumping through my system threatened to show me my eggs royale again.

Eventually, it took me up the spiral staircase that led to Sonny’s and my rooms. The needle pointed towards Sonny’s door. I paused, made to knock, but stopped myself because I heard chatter. I pushed the door open a crack and Sonny looked up from his laptop. His face split into a smile and he gave me a wave, immediately returning to his video call.

“But what measures will you take to ensure the results are not influenced by outside sources?” he said. I let the door close and quietly crossed the space to my room. The needle pointed behind me now.

“It’s leading me to Sonny, isn’t it? The answer to the rhizome ritual lies with Sonny?” I said to Jenny, flopping onto my couch.

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