Page 15 of Next to You

She smelled too good to be this close. I couldn’t take it. I had to find a way to share this bed with her. It was hard enough without her touching me.

“This forest is full of scary shit and a whole bunch of trouble. I can’t believe I hike out here sometimes. No more hiking. Never again. And why don’t you guys have curtains on these freaking windows? Anyone could be out there watching us. Plotting and making nefarious plans to roast us in that fireplace for dinner. You won’t fit in there, Spencer. But I will?—”

“We don’t need curtains,” I insisted. “No one comes out here?—"

“Oh my god, shh.” She put a finger on my lips, and I groaned out loud. Lucky for me, she was too freaked out to notice what she was doing to me. “Do you hear that,” she hissed.

My eyes snapped back to the window again. It was more of the same—wind, snow, dark. There was nothing there but a bunch of trees and bad weather.

“Snow weighs branches down, and ice makes them break,” I explained. “Then the wind blows it all around. You know this. You’ve seen it happen with your own eyes. I promise you we’re safe in here. But if it makes you feel better. I locked the door. No one is getting in here, I swear.”

We were in two different realities right now. While I fought my baser instincts and tried to regain my composure, she believed we were about to become victims of whatever paranormal entity her racing thoughts conjured up.

I would have laughed if I wasn’t trying my best to channel every shred of dignity and discipline I could muster so I could help her snap out of what was clearly the beginnings of a panic attack.

“Locks won’t stop demons, Spencer. Or freaking ghosts. Or Bigfoot. We need salt! Oh my god, I thought I was okay. For a few minutes, I actually believed I could sleep tonight. But everything is hitting me now. I’m pretty sure I’m coming unhinged. The wheels are coming off, Spencer. I might freak out for real.”

She clutched the covers at her chin in a white knuckled grip.

“You will not come unhinged, not while I’m here. This is anxiety. This is fear talking. Will looking out the window help? Then you’ll see where the sounds are coming from.”

“Hell no. It’s dark out there. It’s dark in here, too. Well, it’s dim, and the fire is making freaky shadows. I’m going to stop thinking. I have all kinds of bad feelings but will ignore them all. La la la, I’m okay. You’re okay, it’s ohhh kay?—”

“Lucy. Sweetheart, stop. Take a deep breath for me.”

I watched her inhale. She shook her head and held her breath, slamming her eyes shut against her rising panic.

I leaned into her, putting my face directly in her line of sight, lightly touching my forehead to hers. “Open your eyes. Let that breath out and tell me what you see.”

She exhaled in a whoosh. “I see you,” she breathed.

“Good.” I took her hands and held them against my chest above my heart. “What do you feel?”

“You.” Her voice was a whisper. “And your heartbeat.”

“Good girl. Take another breath for me.”

She inhaled, and this time, it was nice and easy.

“What do you hear?”

“You, Spencer.”

“That’s right. Me. I’m here, and I will not let anything happen to you. I promise you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I was trying so hard to be okay.”

“No apologies, remember? And it’s okay not to be okay.”

“No apologies. Right, I’m sorry. Damn it. I take it back. I’m not sorry.”

“I have a confession,” I interrupted. “Maybe it will make you feel better.”

Her gorgeous eyes met mine. “Tell me. Please.”

“I hate the dark. I can’t stand the silence when the snow falls, and everything outside is quiet and still. I was afraid, too, Lucy. I started heading back to my place late. My drive home was not going well. Then I found you, and helping you gave me a sense of purpose. Making sure you were safe kept me from losing control. So, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she murmured. “I’m glad I accidentally helped you. Thank you for letting me know."

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