Page 19 of A Christmas For Holly

So damn tired.

Chapter 8

Lucas

It tookme a while to calm down after leaving Holly, but the snowy roads demanded my full attention, forcing me to push everything else aside. Still, my mind flickered back to his words and how he stared at me with raw confusion and longing. I’d thought the wedding had been a one-off—a messy, drunken mistake neither of us would ever revisit—but tonight made it clear there was more than just that one stormy post-wedding mess. His drinking had hurt me to see, not because it embarrassed him, but because I didn’t want him harming himself, drowning whatever demons he had in the bottom of a bottle. Holly deserved better than that. He deserved better than what he thought of himself. And damn it, I hated the thought he didn’t know that.

The snow was building up on the sides of the road as I drove down the mountain and across town to Bailey’s place, thick piles of white gathering on the tree branches and creeping over fence posts. I loved this soft snow, but the nor’easter was still heading our way if the forecasters were to be believed. I passed the gate they’d close when the mountain got too treacherous, but for now, the road was clear enough to keep going. When I pulled upto Bailey and Kai’s house, the sky had dimmed, the early winter sunset casting a pink glow over the landscape.

When I knocked, it took a while, but finally, Bailey answered. He looked rough, with hair sticking up and eyes red-rimmed. He wore silk pajama bottoms and a flowing kimono over a white sweater. Their cat, Boots, was cradled under his chin, its paws dangling as Bailey held him close, his face tucked into soft fur.

“Hey,” Bailey said, still in that half-comatose state, blinking at me.

“Kai awake?” I asked, staying on their porch and determined not to get near the flu they were suffering from.

“Nah.” Bailey shifted Boots, who let out a soft meow, unbothered by the sudden jostling.

I hesitated, glancing at the coat rack, wondering how to put this. “I have a Paul Hollister report,” I said. “I saw him today, and he didn’t seem… right. Like something’s going on, is it…” I lowered my tone. “Is he in recovery? He said he was looking for a drink… I mean, is there something I should know or fix? Empty the cabin of drink? Is he in AA?”

Bailey blinked, and it was apparent he wasn’t catching up. Then, he let out a massive yawn, his hold on Boots loosening for a second before he clutched the cat closer. “Not drink, not now,” he mumbled. “Mostly, he talks to Kai, not me, and even then, not much since like May or whatever, when we um… visited.”

“Someone should keep an eye on him,” I said, shifting my weight.

Bailey lifted an eyebrow, giving me that knowing look, with his usually cute large eyes and the little brother pleading he had going on, and I realized I’d been volunteered.

I let out a sigh, but I couldn’t help smirking. “All right, fine, but so that you know, you look way less cute when you’re all snotty and red-faced.”

Bailey rolled his eyes and snorted, still holding Boots like a sleepy security blanket. “Sure, sure. Thanks, Lucas.”

I nodded, turning to leave, but Bailey’s low voice stopped me at the door. “One thing though… I shouldn’t tell you…”

“Tell me what?” The Haynes boys didn’t have secrets, apart from the one where Bailey had held an unrequited love for Kai for too many years and hadn’t told any of us.

Yep, that had been one hell of a secret.

He glanced over his shoulder as if he expected Kai to be right behind him, but from the coughing echoing down the stairs I could hear from outside, I doubted he was walking anywhere.

“Holly isn’t in a good place, okay?” He glanced down at Boots, scratching behind the cat’s ears, his face suddenly somber. “We need to be kind.”

A weight settled in my chest, heavier than I expected at my little brother’s anxiety-filled words and the emotion brightening his eyes.

“Bailey?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I can’t.”

It sounded awful, and I recalled the haunted look I’d seen in Holly’s eyes.

“Okay,” I murmured, feeling the weight of what I’d signed up for.

“So, you’ll look out for him for a little while until Kai is back on his feet?”

Part of me wanted to say no for the hell of it, but I’d do anything for my family.

And for some reason, I’d do anything for the man who’d spilled all kinds of crap but awakened something in me I didn’t truly understand.

What I felt for Holly was different. It was as if something had clicked after all this time, and suddenly I got it. I understood why people craved this connection. But instead of being struck bylightning the moment I’d seen him, it was slower, more gradual. There wasn’t a specific moment when I thought I was attracted to Holly.

It had just… happened.

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