Page 43 of A Christmas For Holly

Holly

Lucas cradledmy face in his hands, his blue eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that left me breathless. Compassion radiated from him, soft and steady, but there was something more—a spark of emotion flickering beneath the surface, as if he cared about me. Me. The thought hit harder than I expected—I couldn’t quite believe it.

And then, there it was—the intrusive memory of the kiss at the wedding. I’d taken a moment without asking, clumsy and wrong, yet… it had left something behind. Something I couldn’t forget. I knew how Lucas had tasted and how he felt against me, and I wanted more if he thought I deserved it.

I leaned into his touch, my cheek pressing into the warmth of his hand, and something shifted inside me for the first time in what felt like forever. The guilt, the regret, the constant panic—it all faded, just for a moment. In its place came a quiet warmth, flooding through me like a long-forgotten comfort. It felt… safe.

Would he lean in? Would he kiss me?

The words tumbled out of me, barely a whisper. “I’m so fucking sorry I stole our first kiss from us.”

He smiled. “That didn’t count,” he said, his voice low, soothing.

Then his lips met mine, and the world stopped. It wasn’t rushed or frantic but slow, deliberate, and achingly sweet. His hands stayed firm on my face, grounding me, holding me as if I might slip away if he let go. There was no hesitation, no second-guessing—just Lucas kissing me as though he’d been waiting for this moment as long as I had.

I melted. My hands found his chest, clutching at his shirt, and I let myself sink into the kiss and feel the softness, sweetness, and heat that came with it. It wasn’tjusta kiss—it was a reassurance, a promise, a bridge across the mess I’d made of my life. It was Lucas saying without words that maybe I was worth this.

When we parted, I stayed close, my forehead resting against his, both of us catching our breath. My chest felt tight, not with fear, but with something I couldn’t quite name. Something good.

“Thatwas our first kiss,” he murmured. “And I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time,” Lucas admitted, his voice soft but steady. “From the first time we met at the draft in Calgary, I felt this buzz inside me.”

“We were only eighteen.”

“I like you, Holly—more than just someone I know. More than just… whatever this has been between us.” Lucas murmured. “It’s this thing that’s built and built, and it won’t leave me alone.”

His words hit me hard, and I swallowed, my heart pounding. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

He pulled back enough to meet my eyes. “It’s okay,” he said gently. “I don’t know how to process this either. Or if it’s fair to you, with everything you’re going through. But I needed you to know. I care about you, Holly. A lot.”

My throat tightened, and I nodded, words failing me. But for the first time, outside of the care that Kai and Bailey had givenme, I didn’t feel alone. Lucas was here, holding me steady— that was enough for now.

Admitting all that to Lucas left me feeling raw and exposed, but somehow, being trapped here in this tiny cabin with the storm raging outside had given me the freedom to open up in a small way I never could before. I could tell him about the panic attacks and the medication. It would stay safe between us, and that scared me.

And he could tell me that he liked me more than a little.

He kissed me once more, deeper this time, harder, and it sent a shockwave through me that left me breathless. My libido, long-dormant under layers of guilt and regret, roared awake with a suddenness that made my knees feel weak. I wanted more—more kisses, more of his words, more of the way his hands felt on me, anchoring me, the warmth of his body close to mine. I wanted all of it, all of him, in a way that made my head spin.

But then he released me, his hands sliding away from my face as he eased back, and the absence of his touch left me feeling bereft as though the air had been sucked from the room. I reached for him instinctively, my face wet… was I crying?

He caught my hands, shaking his head. “You’re too precious to me to rush this, Holly,” he said, his voice low, as if it cost him something to say it.

Precious?

What heaven had I woken up in?

I swallowed hard, my breath coming in uneven bursts, and for a moment, I wanted to argue, to tell him we didn’t need to slow down. But then my eyes dropped to his sweats, where the bulge was unmistakable, and I realized he was as turned on as I was. It wasn’t only me feeling this heat, this pull, but he was holding himself back for us both.

And I knew he was right. As much as my body protested, as much as I wanted to see if my body would let me give into everything building between us, now wasn’t the time. Lucas needed space to deal with all of my shit, and right now, I’d let him lead. Let him decide what was best for both of us.

I nodded, my throat tight, and let my hands fall to my sides, although everything in me screamed to hold on to him. “I get it,” I whispered. “Whatever you need.”

“No, it’s whateverweneed,” he corrected as his lips quirked into a small, bittersweet smile, and he gave my arm a reassuring squeeze before stepping away.

The distance felt unbearable, but I stayed rooted to the spot, watching him, letting him have what he needed. Because I trusted him. And I trusted myself to follow someone else’s lead for the first time in a long time.

“But soon, right?” I asked, and I added a pout, which made him smile.

“Soon,” he agreed, turning his attention to the cupboards in the small front room. He opened them, rummaging around as if searching for treasure, then straightened with a grin. “Aha! Found them.”

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