Page 63 of A Christmas For Holly

I didn’t know how to make sense of it. My emotions toward him were too strong, fast, and terrifying. I’d spent my entire life not wanting this, not feeling this for anyone, and now, here he was, crashing through every wall I’d built. It was more than attraction. Iwantedhim. I wanted to wake up next to him, feel his warmth, hear his laugh. Was that love? Or was it just the happiness of feeling something for someone like Holly? Was it because the sex was off the charts? Or was I eager to care for him on his darker days?

I couldn’t tell what I was feeling, and that scared the hell out of me. Uncertainty gnawed at me, and I was questioning everything I thought I knew about myself.

I was confused, conflicted, and desperate to go back up the mountain. But it had started snowing again—not enough to stop me, but enough that I’d need someone to drive me up there. That would mean calling on family, and the last thing I wanted was to involve Duncan any more than I already had. I shouldn’t have kissed Holly in front of him. I should’ve been more careful.

But how could I be careful when all I could think about was Holly?

I slumped onto the sofa, head in my hands, wondering if this gnawing ache in my chest would ever ease.

If it was more than just attraction.

If it wasreallove.

Chapter 25

Holly

I watchedfrom the door as Lucas trudged to his brother’s car through the fresh snow. His figure was solid, familiar, and so steady that it made my chest ache a little, and the fact he’d come back and kissed me in front of his brother was an admission of something, right? He paused before getting in, glancing back toward the cabin, but I stayed where I was, and at last, he slid into the passenger’s seat, and a moment later, taillights disappeared into the trees.

I exhaled as I shut the door, the cabin colder without him there. How was that possible?

You had the door open, idiot.

I should have gone with him. Or asked him to stay. But that would’ve been selfish, wouldn’t it? What we’d had could be a proximity thing and nothing more. All these feelings—this pull—was just because we’d been stuck in the same place, right?

I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts as I pulled on my boots and coat. The chickadee was still out there, perched on its branch like it owned the place, and I figured it was time to make good on my promise to feed it. I grabbed the bag of sunflower seeds and the little mesh feeder I’d picked up in town, setting them up on the nearest tree.

“You’re stubborn, you know that?” I muttered, tossing a handful of seeds onto the snow for good measure. The chickadee flitted down to the branch above me, its tiny head tilting as if it was listening. “I should’ve gone with him,” I said, brushing snow off the feeder. “But maybe it’s better this way. Time to think. Figure out if this is…. real, or just me being me, or him blinded to what he’d have to take on.”

The bird hopped closer, pecking at a seed, and I sighed. “Yeah, I’m talking to you again. Guess you’re better company than no one.”

Inside, the cabin was quiet, which made me aware of every creak and groan of the old wood. I tidied up aimlessly, folding a sweatshirt Lucas had borrowed and left on the arm of the couch. I straightened the board games we’d pulled out last night, stacking them in a neat pile in the corner. It wasn’t much, but it kept me busy, and at least my mind stopped spinning in circles around Lucas and everything unsaid between us.

I filled a couple of hours with aimless tasks, even cleaning the kitchen, which didn’t need cleaning.

The distant sound of an engine broke the quiet, and my heart leaped, hope blooming despite myself. I peered out to the window, but it wasn’t Duncan bringing Lucas back. It was a truck crawling up the snowy drive, the tires crunching loudly in the stillness. A flash of disappointment hit me, followed by guilt. I had no right to want Lucas to come back. Not after I’d told him I needed space. Him staying away was a credit to him.

The truck stopped, and Kai jumped out, bundled in layers against the cold. His face broke into a grin when he spotted me staring out of the window. I opened the door but hesitated, unsure what to do with my sudden swell of emotion at seeing him here.

“Is it safe to hug you or are you still contagious?” I called, stepping onto the porch as he stomped through the snow toward me.

Kai didn’t bother answering; he just yanked me into a hug, his arms wrapping around me with a strength I didn’t realize I needed. I clung to him for a moment, breathing in the scent of cedar and cold air, letting the warmth of his presence settle something deep in me.

When we pulled back, his hands stayed on my shoulders, his grin softening. “It’s good to see you safe up here, Holly.”

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat as I stepped back, gesturing toward the door. “Come inside. It’s freezing. The power is back on and I’m doingallthe things in case I lose it again!”

Kai watched me make coffee and place frozen cookies on a tray—the same ones I’d made for Lucas what seemed like ages ago but had actually only been a few days. Muscle memory guided me through the motions as Kai’s questions filled the quiet.

“We haven’t spoken in a while,” he said, his voice still post-flu rough. He looked pale, washed out, and seemed to need to lean against the counter to stand upright. Should he even have driven up here?

“I’ve been working on things,” I countered. “You look like shit.”

“Nice to see you too,” Kai deadpanned and then smiled. “I feel better, thank you for asking.”

“Should you have driven up here?” I asked, but Kai smiled.

“No one could stop me.”

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